Tonight (Fri., June 30, 2023), live (maybe?) at 9P.M. EST from Phuket, Thailand, we’re going to be watching the free broadcast of Fight Circus 7: “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Sausages.” Let me be up front with y’all, Full Metal Dojo — the folks behind Fight Circus (FC) — have been keeping whatever this is under wraps for close to a month now. They haven’t released a fight list, or even just an explanation of what this is. We know that at least some of this isn’t live, since it includes bits of stuff that got posted on social media a couple weeks ago. There’s allusions that this is a mockumentary, they’re hinting that we’re going to have live fights, but there’s really know way of knowing for sure what they’ve got up their sleeves.
Expect the unexpected is normally a corny cliche, but we’re talking about a promotion whose last main event was Bob Sapp and Quinton “Rampage” Jackson stuffed inside a 7XL shirt as they boxed the heck out of the promoters who were likewise stuck inside a shared t-shirt (watch the insanity here).
It’s also notable that Heavyweight boxing champion, Tyson Fury, was in attendance and is very likely a part of the spectacle. Is he just dancing and getting drunk? Who knows! Tune in to find out.
Oh, and did we mention it’s free? Only to the first 20 million subscribers. You heard that correctly. Don’t miss your shot! Hurry!
Fight Circus 7: Lock Stock and Two Smoking Sausages Quick Results
-Mixed rules boxing Mr. Fight and Peter Denman def. Jon Nutt and some unnamed guy who only fought the 2nd round — TKO, 0:47 Rd. 2
-Mixed rules Petzilla def. Ali Mohammed — Split decision
-Tire in a foot boxing Jonny Tello def. Street Fight Mike — Unanimous decision
-Mixed rules Kushal Vyas def. Kyoken Tampiyanan — TKO, 2:30 Rd. 3
Fight Circus 7: Lock Stock and Two Smoking Sausages Play-By-Play Results
Jon Nutt vs. Mr. Fight and Peter Denman - 2-on-1 boxing
Round 1 - maybe it isn’t 2-on-1 at the same time? Yet? They have Fight in the ring with Nutt while Denman is an onlooker. Never mind, he’s just letting his boy get in some one-on-one first. Fairly even, despite Nutt being the much taller and heavier man. Denman and Fight seem to be letting each other take the lead one at a time here. Fight eats a clean left, but that just seems to energize him as he wallops Nutt with a pair of lefts that stagger the big man.
Nutt takes a knee and stands back up. He comes out hard, gets in a clean land before eating that left again that sends him covering back up against the ropes. Ref intervenes with another 8-count.
10-7 Fight and Denman
Round 2, they’re handicapping the boys and putting them in an oversized T-shirt. No, wait, someone has joined Nutt and they’re gonna be in shirts, too. Siamese twin boxing, everybody! Holy crap, it’s a melee. I can’t tell what’s going on. Fight and the new guy are mixing it up while Denman lands clean on Nutt. Nutt is firing back on anything that moves. Oh no! Denman gets freed up from the t-shirt and his inside right hand is loose - he BLASTS Nutt with an overhand and down he goes. Good night, good fight.
FINAL RESULTS: Mr. Fight and Peter Denman defeat Jon Nutt and some guy - TKO, 0:47 of Round 2
Tyson Fury karaoke interlude!
Ali Mohammed vs Petzilla - mixed rules
Round 1, slapping-only MMA (MMA with no punches, just open-hand strikes). They open by attempting to kick each other, but not landing clean. Ali catches another kick attempt and bullies him to the ground. He’s got a front headlock on, but can’t keep the grip and they’re back up. Ali with a teep. Petzilla gets in a slap. Ali with a jab, apologizes and we move on. Petz with a nice leg kick. Ali jabs again, apologizes and gets a stern warning from the ref. Pez land a nice overhand.
Round 2, only arms, so boxing + elbows. Petz looks like he’s got the cleaner boxing technique so far. Ali to the body and head. Petz with a couple nice jabs. Ali pushes forward now. Gets in an elbow.
10-9 Petzilla again, maybe
Round 3, Muay Thai. Petz with two nice kicks. Three. Four. Ali on the front foot now, gets in a couple shots. Petz with a couple good teeps. Ali tries a headkick, slips. Petz eats a jab, returns fire with a right hand and a right kick to the body. A pair of right body kicks now for the Thai - they’ve been money for him all round. Ali surges forward with a 3-2.
FINAL RESULTS: Petzilla defeats Ali Mohammed, split decision.
More breakdancing! This time it includes stylized Muay Thai, which is interesting. Lets the boys do some Ong Back looking theatrics.
Street Fight Mike vs. Jonny Tello - foot in a tire boxing
And the ring breaks as Mike climbs in, so it’s actually a good thing this isn’t live! They go to fix it and we’ve got a local gent dressed as a pilot captain doing Sinatra while they scramble to repair.
Round 1! There’s no way I’m going to be able to jot down everything, even with the ability to pause this non-live event, but they are rolling out fast and furious here. Both men are obviously landing at a great clip. Tello gets knocked off balance and he steps out of the tire. They’re circling counter-clockwise, getting to the body and head. It isn’t as if defense is out the window, as both men are doing admirable jobs avoiding a fair amount of the traffic coming at them. Tello with a pair, no three nice shots that look like the cleanest punches of the round.
10-9 Tello unless the stumble out of the tire counts as a “knockdown”
Round 2. Tello’s range that he found at the end of the first continues on into this round, as he lands a nice right about 15 seconds in. There’s a clean left. Mike gets in a good right hand while pushing forward in the tire, forcing Tello to step out again. Tello switches to southpaw as he steps back in for some lefty on lefty action. A flurry from Mike makes Tello step out again. Not sure how the judges score this, but Mike’s got Tello out of the tire 3 times to 0, despite getting out-boxed the rest of the time.
Round 3. Mike swinging pure volume, no power. He’s outlanding, but eats some very solid connections on the return. Mike is tired and it’s all arm punches. Tello still landing cleanly.
FINAL RESULTS: Jonny Tello def. Street Fight Mike - unanimous decision
Kushal Vyas vs. Kyoken Tampiyanan - mixed rules
Round 1 is kicks only. Kyoken opens with a liver kick to start and then tries to the head. Vyas checks a couple of leg kicks. Axe kick brushes Vyas’ face, more like a Zohan style. Vyas tries a capoeira cartwheel kick, but misses.
Round 2, the wheel lands on kicks only, but they say to hell with it, try a different one. MMA rules this time. Vyas leads with a 1-2. Lands a jab, eats a right, returns with one of his own. They clinch and uppercuts from both men. Vyas’ lands cleaner. He hits a knee, but Kyoken uses it to get a takedown. Full guard. Kyoken breaks free from the posture grabs and lands two nice rights. A left and a right. Vyas gets a sweep as Kyoken tried to stand to rain down punches. Kyoken keeps the scramble alive and is back on top in full guard.
Vyas tries to get his legs into play to push Kyoken off, but the Japanese/Thai is pressing and landing some good ground-n-pound here. Kyoken looks tired and lets him up. Vyas presses and gets into a clinch, eats a solid knee to the gut. Right hands by both men.
Round 3 is a new one - slapping are the only hand strikes around. MMA, kicks allowed, but no closed punches. Vyas coming on strong to start, gets in a few Diaz’s, but does get a warning for the back of the head. He slips and Kyoken is now on top. Kyoken has the back, but isn’t able to keep Vyas down. They’re back up and Vyas gets the takedown. Ground and slap. Vyas advances to mount - he’s flailing away as best he can, and enough goes unanswered that the ref is forced to step in! Big comeback for Kushal Vyas.
FINAL RESULTS: Kushal Vyas def. Kyoken Tampiyanan - TKO, 2:30 of round 3
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