Time after time

So I'm the kind of person that tries to learn as much as I possibly can.

Maybe it's because I wasted so much time in my past pursuing less than admirable goals. I was always smart enough to get A's in school, yet chose to be on the streets.

It's tough being born in the projects, but what's even tougher than that is trying to split between being a person that wants to learn, and being surrounded by people that didn't care about anything at all.

I would often go to the library and read all day, because I knew I could find some peace there. Yet I would tag, fight, and do drugs with the guys on the street because they never judged me.

I haven't done drugs in 14 years, and in that 14 years, I have taught myself to play music, carve wood, paint something different than tags, write and perform my poems on stage. And most of all, be a good husband to my wife.

Yet there's a piece of me that knows I wouldn't be who I am today without being the fuck up I was then. My teachers would say "why do you score so high on all your tests, yet do nothing all week"?

Why won't you get away from "those people" was the "those people" comments that I despised. "Those people" always had my back when shit hit the fan... Some of "Those people" did try to get me to do more, because they seen I had something there that they didn't possess.

I often wonder if I had gone the other way, would my today be wildly different? Clearly I wouldn't have died when I was 15 of a drug overdose, and brought back to life. I sometimes think, if that was supposed to be my turning point. If that was my signal to wake the fuck up.

Either way, I'm glad to be alive today, I'm glad I have the small circle of decent people in my life. I'm blessed to have bought this house with my wife, and I have been reminded how blessed I am by reading TAITERS blog about TS23.

Thanks for that reminder Taiter, I bow in respect to you and TS23, may he be watching over all of us telling witty jokes in the afterlife.

"Peace is not the absence of chaos, it's how we deal with the chaos that creates real peace" ~HH

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