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Former UFC champ lands ‘vicious front kick’ on homeless zombie woman during foiled coronavirus attack

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Former Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) middleweight champion Luke Rockhold was taking his dog for a “casual stroll” along Santa Monica Boulevard in California and despite his best efforts to maintain social distancing, found himself in a “wild” predicament.

Turns out Rockhold stumbled across a group of strung-out ruffians, including a homeless meth-head who gurgled and groaned like a zombie. I guess she doesn’t like pretty boys, or dogs, or life, because she decided to hock a loogie right in his face.

Big mistake.

She was on the bus stop bench, and she looked bad,” Rockhold told Submission Radio. “Like, homeless, something along those lines. And she looked like, probably meth or something and just nasty, nasty look, a lot of crap all over her [face], maybe some blood or something I saw. She was super out of it. [She] glanced up at me like real quick, looked down. I didn’t think anything of it, and I just kind of just stayed on my path on the edge on the sidewalk and I started walking.

“As I got closer, she popped up out of nowhere and ran at me like some zombie or something. It was wild. It was like the last thing I expected. I was just walking and minding my own business with my dog, and this chick just runs at me within 15 feet or something. She just jumped and started to run at me like ‘arghhh’ and she started hocking a loogie like she was gonna spit on me. Like, it was like a full just like trying to scare me or infect me kind of thing. I don’t know what she was on, but it didn’t look like anything I want to be around.”

“And it happened so quick, so instinctually. The thing just ran at me and was hocking this loogie, and I was like, ‘what the fuck?’ And I didn’t know what to do. And as it got close to me I just reared up with just a vicious front kick and just launched that thing in the air and just like instinctually. And the thing just went up, landed on the ground and literally like started quivering like a vampire frying in the sun or something.

“Honestly, it happened so quick, I didn’t even think of anything. I thought she wasn’t even paying attention, I thought she was pretty out of it on drugs or something. She just like glanced up for a second, maybe like 25 feet away. But when I got near her, maybe like 15 feet, she just got up and ran at me. It was funny because you could see her getting the spit ready. She must have had like dry mouth or something, cause I watched that, like, I caught her like mid projection, straight down the middle, this nasty kick right out of nowhere.

“I didn’t have time to think about it but, I watched the spit hang in the air and like pretty much fall right on top of her. And I was like, how did I come out of this clean and not get touched? It was unbelievable. And I was just like, checked myself, nothing touched me, nothing got on me, and I was like, I’m out of here.”

Rockhold recently admitted to feeling the “itch” to compete again, so I suppose laying waste to homeless zombie women can be considered part of his comeback trail, since his local gym was recently closed as the state battles the spread of COVID-19.