And I guess nobody is surprised to hear this. We all know I stopped fanposting a while back and now I can barely watch the shit that UFC calls "Ultimate Fighting" every week on fastforward.
I've been watching UFC since the original days. Back in the day, I had the original fights on VHS. Although I lost interest, I got back into it in 2004 when Georges St-Pierre started making a name for the sport in Canada.
Since then I've seen every fight, and also back when FightPass came out I subscribed on day one and watched anything I had missed before.
Without going into a long tirade about why I think MMA sucks now, and why the Golden Age of the 2000s is long dead, let's just break it down here:
Reason 1. Accessing the product sucks balls
I don't know what the fuck this is supposed to be. I went looking for UFC Rio Rancho last night and instead I got some kind of Netflix UI ripoff made by a teenager with ADHD.
Featured on their front page (but are completely irrelevant to UFC Rio Rancho):
- A joke of a fight between Conor McGregor and an old man looking for a pay check
- Pancase, which I couldn't give a fuck about and wouldn't watch if you paid me
- Weigh-ins for an event that hasn't happened
- Press conference for an event that hasn't happened
- LFA 82, whatever the fuck that is (could literally not give a fuck)
- Eternal MMA 50, and at the risk of repeating myself, I have never heard of and don't care about
- Early prelims for a card that isn't until next week
You know what I couldn't find? THE FUCKING CARD THAT WAS ON THAT VERY FUCKING MINUTE.
So I cancelled Fight Pass. I cancelled that shit. It is a fucking mess of a website, advertising everything except the actual product it's supposed to be selling: Live UFC.
Reason 2. The rules lick donkey taint
There were two shitty, bullshit, lazy disqualifications last night, in finishes which should be entirely legitimate moves. I mean, can we even call it "Ultimate Fighting" anymore when you've got pussy ass rules which disqualify people for literally doing what the sport is supposed to be, by knocking out your opponent?
And we didn't even have one bullshit shitty lazy fuckwitted DQ, but two. Two more assholes with nonsense wins on their record for getting their shit pushed in like Matt Hamill and his broken orbital bone.
The rules make no fucking sense. No strikes to a grounded opponent? Why not? Isn't the point to win by using your arms and legs to knock out the other guy? Why the fuck are shoulder strikes legal and knees aren't? Why are 12-6 strikes illegal but spinning roundhouse kicks that stiffen guys are cool?
None of it fucking makes a lick of sense. And if you have a "sport" where nothing makes sense, then it's pointless.
Reason 3. The reffing is trash.
Guys aren't even given a chance to recover anymore before the mother hens known as refs are calling it off. And then you've got "MMA fans" speculating about whether or not the guy was "saved from more brain damage" by the stoppage and saying the result was inevitable anyway.
First of all, the UFC is a corrupt, shitty, greedy company that would put its mother in the cage if she made PPV buys. They don't give a fuck about the fighters, so they're in danger either way.
But the sheer amount of nonsense stoppages in this sport is just ridiculous. I mean, this is John Dodson's second idiotic flash TKO stoppage because he wobbled a guy and spazzed his midget arms fast enough that the ref was worried he might start a fire on Wood's head.
I mean, are we not allowed to have some form of certainty in fights? Some sense of the true victor? We're just supposed to assume that the fight would have ended because the ref can't stand a few more seconds of punches? This, in a sport where a clean KO is fine?
Reason 4. The women are a joke.
The worst part about MMA is it's become a point fighting clinic, where nobody goes for a finish and the viewer is forced to endure 15 minutes of pitter patter and running away. And that's just the men. The women are basically a pillow-fisted less talented version of modern MMA, where each are going to grunt at each other for 15 minutes until somebody gets a meaningless arm raised.
What is the actual point of Women's MMA? No other sport has women alongside men in the same league. You don't stop the Red Wings and the Devils after the second period to stick in some fucking figure skating. I want to watch professionals, not women are "kind of good, considering they're women." If I wanted that, I'd watch the Special Olympics.
Reason 5. The judging is pointless.
If I have to listen to Joe Rogan explain one more time about how pointless MMA scoring is, I'll throw my controller through my TV. Yeah, we fucking know it's stupid. It's always been stupid. It's been stupid since Royce Gracie made sweet love to Ken Shamrock for 30 minutes and forced MMA to implement rounds and time limits.
Yeah, it was nice when guys actually tried to finish each other and UFC fights lasted like, 1:46. Now, everybody is a point fighting pussy, running around the cage for 25 minutes and calling themselves a champion. Fuck off, Volkanovski, you're trash. You're unwatchable.
Since no scoring system that makes sense exists for MMA, what is the point of watching these fights? I mean, you've got all sorts of scoring criteria and it all comes down to a... durr durr, wud dat a 10-9 fer dat guy or a 10-9 fer da udder guy?
Reason 6. Watching is a pain in the cunt.
No other sport forces you to clear 7 hours from your weekend. UFC does. And not only does it do that, it requires you to have a pay per view subscription to Fight Pass, a pay per view subscription to Cable TV (like we're living in the fucking 1970s, eh) and a pay per view subscription to the pay per view. And all that, to watch a sport with shit judging, girl fight, bad refs (Herb Dean is cancer in human form), pointless rules made by morons, and on a shitty UI made by some Bangladeshi wageslave programmer.
Reason 7. The fights are boring
Let's use last night as an example. First of all, the main event could have five rounds of that boring bullshit. But Blachowicz was employing the modern tactic of pitter patter keepaway tippy taps and caught Anderson coming in (the same way Wood was caught coming in, the same way everybody seems to get caught lunging in these days).
But other than that, what did we get? 7 stupid decisions, 2 pointless DQs, and a submission. Wow, are you not entertained? Actually, no, I'm bored shitless. Somebody take that donkey fucker Pereira out behind the shed.
Point fighting plagues MMA now. It's not about whether you can KO the other guy, it's whether you can fuck about the cage for 15 minutes landing enough baby leg jabs to have a bunch of judges who were looking at their cell phones during the fight, decide whether you got enough points to win a 3-round boxing match. Stupid.
Runners, cowards, crotch-sniffing lay and prayers. Where are the KO artists? Where's the aggression? Where in the fuck is the excitement? Where is the "Ultimate Fighting"? Just. Fucking. Bleed. Already.
Reason 8 and last. The UFC is a shithole company.
No other sport treats its employees as trash as this one. No other sport has such blatant disregard for the health and well-being and financial stability of its employees. UFC is just a corrupt, greedy, trashy-merchandising selling, fighter sponsorship-stealing, wolf tickets promoting joke.
It's no coincidence that former UFC fighters have tried to form a union, meanwhile the company ignores them, union-busts and threatens fighters like the mafia-backed criminals they are, and then has the unmitigated gall to hand out $300m in shareholder dividends.
And then there's the fake rankings. I mean, the fucking rankings don't even make sense. Nothing is based on merit or value or win streaks or "title eliminators". It's just who Dana White likes, and whether they recently won his stupid unwatchable Contenders Series (which I never have and never will, and it's just another "feature" got rid of when I cancelled Fight Pass today).
At least Bellator, minor leagues garbage that it is, has brackets and tournaments. In the UFC you can slave away like Tony Ferguson in the #1 spot for like, 6 fucking years, and never get a belt. And anyway, even if you did get a shot, some "superfight" line cutting douchebag from Ireland could steal it because Dana White wants a fourteenth sports car.
Fuck off. Fuck this sport. Just seriously, fuck it.
All the Glory Days in this sport were pre-Scottidog. He saw the best. He's missing nothing. Some good guys on this website, some decent discussions, but it's all for a shitty sport now.
