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Pic: Rousimar Palhares mutates into Brazilian Gregg Valentino, needs intervention ASAP

Palhares poses ahead of his Craig Jones grappling match at KASAI Pro 3 on Aug. 18.

If Rousimar Palhares spent as much time perfecting his mixed martial arts (MMA) technique as he did transmogrifying into a Belgian Blue, the Brazilian bruiser would probably be 5-0 over his last five fights instead of 1-3-1, which includes last month’s knockout loss to the unheralded Aliaskhab Khizriev at Fight Nights Global in Russia.

I honestly don’t know what his goal is or why he needs to be so thick and swole at age 38. He was already strong enough to destroy his opponent’s limbs — and often did — and I have to imagine the extra mass makes it more difficult to grapple based on limited mobility.

Palhares is perhaps best known for getting banned from stateside competition. Not content to simply burn bridges with Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC), “Toquinho” was also determined to get himself kicked out of World Series of Fighting (WSOF) for intentionally holding submissions after his fights were stopped.

Not that it matters, we’re all just here for the jokes, so have at it.

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