UFC veteran who lost bout by way of broken penis has advice for new MMA fighters

If you get your eyes gouged out or your nut-sack destroyed while competing in Chicago, you’re expected to walk it off and get back to fighting, or risk losing your bout by way of technical knockout.

That’s why UFC veteran Thiago Tavares is training how to properly execute an “accidental” low blow, because he knows the regulations set forth by Illinois Department of Financial and Professional Regulation (IDFPR) take precedence over the unified rules of mixed martial arts when competing in “The Prairie State.”

The Brazilian took an errant foot to the pills when battling Robert Watley under the Professional Fighters League (PFL) banner last week inside Chicago Theater. After getting five minutes to recover, Tavares was unable to answer the bell and the fight was ruled a win for Watley.

”I thought ‘My God, I’ll look at my penis and it will be broken’ or something like that, it was scary,” Tavares told MMA Fighting. “And then the referee looked at me and said ‘if you don’t come back I’ll rule it a TKO.’ I tried to stand back up but I felt so much pain I sat down again and the doctor stopped it.”

No contest? No chance.

The commission contends that low blows are not fouls because they are accidental, so the onus falls on the injured fighter to recover after five minutes. Not surprisingly, Tavares is in no hurry to make his return to the “Windy City.”

”People were joking afterwards that they will start training eye pokes and low blows,” Tavares said. “You win the first round and then aim for the low blow or eye poke. It’s scary, man. A grotesque mistake. If I fight again under this commission, just aim for the low area and I’ll win the fight.”

Take note, MMA up-and-comers.

Tavares (21-7-1, 1 NC), a nine-year veteran of UFC, parted ways with the promotion in late 2016. In his defense, I’ve seen the Brazilian take an inordinate amount of damage and keep on truckin’ ... so that dick-kick must have hurt pretty badly for him to stay grounded.