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Michael Bisping robbed twice, nearly drowned during Hawaiian vacation

MMA: UFC 209-Weigh Ins Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

What was supposed to be a relaxing and leisurely Hawaiian vacation for Michael Bisping and his family turned into a real nightmare.

According to “The Count,” during a recent trip to Maui, his car was broken into on two separate occasions, as thieves got away with some personal belongings.

The current Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) Middleweight champion took to his “Believe You Me” podcast to spill the juicy details.

“We walked up to the car, and [son] Callum said ‘someone smashed the window,’” Bisping said. “I thought he was kidding, ‘the little f*ucker,’ but lo and behold, [someone] smashed the window,” he said as transcribed by MMA Fighting.

“My wife had left her bag in the trunk, [they] smashed the window, grabbed that and all the clothing, of course we were swimming, so I just had a tiny pair of shorts on, my wife was in a bikini. That’s kind of how we were dressed. All the clothes, stuff like that, all stolen, including my wallet, everything.”

If that wasn’t bad enough, the Bisping clan fell victim to another robbery later on in the day.

“The hire car, we were supposed to take it right back, but you don’t want to waste a half a day, taking a f*cking rental car back,” Bisping said. “So I’ve yet to do that. We drive around with a smashed window and we got robbed a second time. My running shoes and stuff like that, I left them in the next day and when we got back the car back, someone had stuck their hand in and taken the running shoes.”

An open window is usually an open invitation to the criminal element.

Later in his trip. Bisping says things got even more hectic, as a paddle boarding adventure nearly cost him his life after the weather took a turn for the worse.

“We went out with Kendall Grove and his family,” Bisping said. “We went out to the beach, great day. We had kayaks and paddle boards, stuff like that. So we say, let’s go out on the paddle boards and go out to that cliff [in the distance],” he recalled.

“The wind’s picking up, we better head back,” Bisping added. “It’s me and my daughter on a paddle board. Balancing on a paddle board is not my forte, let me tell you that. Especially when there’s two people on there and the winds are blowing.”

To hear Bisping tell it, instead of making progress, he and his daughter were only drifting further and further away.

“We’re pretty far out, the cliffs were 200-300 meters away and we’re drifting further and further out. I’m like ‘holy s*hit,’ I don’t want to say anything to my daughter but I’m panicking a little bit, you know what I mean?”

Bisping says he then decided to try to pull his daughter -- who was on the board — onto shore, but to no avail. And to make matters worse, two other female swimmers decided to latch on to their board.

“I jump off, my daughter’s on the paddle board, we’re drifting further and further out to sea,” he said. “I’m trying to swim and I’m starting to panic, we’re getting nowhere.”

Once helped arrived, Bisping, naturally, offered up the room available on the rescue boat to his daughter and the other women. Soon thereafter, “The Count” realized that his pride could've cost him his life.

“Me being a macho d*ckhead, I go ‘yeah yeah yeah I’m fine, I’ll swim back,’ because I assume there’s no room for me,” Bisping stated. “So they all disappear, go off in the distance and I’m thinking ‘I don’t f*cking believe this, me, and my ego, rather than just say ‘I need help also,’ I’m going to drown now.”

Eventually, the UFC’s 185-pound champion was rescued by lifeguards and the story had a happy ending.

For this guy, as well.

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