When people ask me what I do for a living, I lie, this way they don’t google my name and see posts like this (or this).
But since I’m not really skilled enough (or bright enough) to do anything else, I present to you the wonders of amateur mixed martial arts (MMA), where you’re likely to see ... well, just about anything.
Like two fat super heavyweights trying not to vomit on one another.
Regrettably, Jesse Reasoner was unsuccessful in that endeavor, getting disqualified and losing his fight to the equally-gassed Sean Needham at KnockOut Promotion (KOP) 57 aboard the USS LST 393 Veterans Museum in Muskegon, Michigan.
If you want MMA on a boat, go here instead.
The real loser was the poor schlep who ended up fighting after these two, in the same way UFC contenders Kevin Lee and Michael Chiesa were forced to roll around on strawweight poop stains.
So ... would it be in poor taste to start a “Lard Ass” chant?