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UFC vet Yves Edwards subjected to 50 Shades of Grey, contemplated taking a crap in the theater

Ian Gavan/Getty Images

Retired Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) lightweight veteran Yves Edwards, after nearly 70 mixed martial arts (MMA) bouts dating back to 1997, knows when he's losing a fight.

This one was against his wife, in which he eventually tapped out and agreed to see 50 Shades of Grey.

That's the erotic romance novel that was turned into a cash grab movie and apparently has all the gals in a tizzy. Edwards took the plunge and posted a rather humorous review of the film (read it here), while also providing a quick exit strategy for miserable men (and women) stuck inside the local cineplex.

We get to the lobby and it's 10:10pm I grab a server, and asked for some help. This is the conversation I had with him almost verbatim.

Me: "Excuse me, can you please help us get our check?"
Server: "What theater were you in?"
Me: "‘50 Shades of Grey' in theater 10."
Server: He smiled and said "That movie is pretty bad huh?"
Me: Thinking about how bad that movie was made me remember why I was laughing so hard in the theater. "Horrible is a better word. I didn't want to go to jail for yelling ‘Fire' in a crowded theater, but I was sitting in the back and I literally thought ‘If I take a shit in the corner, we would all have to leave.'"

Moral of the story: 1. Don't see "50 Shades of Grey" unless you want to seriously consider taking a shit in a crowded theater.

Don't forget your Dude Wipes.

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