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Chael Sonnen's UFC contract expires, won't re-sign until Georges St. Pierre 'stops being a dick'

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Outside of Richard Franklin, Chael Sonnen may have the first UFC contract in history to feature the word "dick."

USA TODAY Sports

Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) light heavyweight attraction, Chael Sonnen, claims his ZUFFA contract has expired less than a month out from his UFC on FOX Sports 1 showdown against Mauricio Rua, which takes place at the TD Garden in Boston, Mass., on Aug. 17, 2013.

And he's only re-signing when UFC President Dana White meets the following demands (via MMA Junkie):

--Jello Biafra replaces Bruce Buffer as ring announcer.
--Every fight I'm in must be a No. 1 contender fight or a title match. If I lose, I get an immediate rematch until I win.
--No media can look me in the eye, or they will be removed from the room.
--Headset legalized through the commission so I can call my own fights.
--No longer will I walk to the ring. I need to be carried.
--Keys to (White's) least favorite Ferrari - I'm not asking too much.
--I can Skype or FaceTime my fights if I don't feel like flying.
--Tell GSP to stop being such a dick. I'll return his truck when I'm done with it.

Sonnen, even in jest, may not be in much of a position to make demands.

"The American Gangster" (27-13) is coming off back-to-back losses to Anderson Silva and Jon Jones. While his ability to entertain the mixed martial arts (MMA) fan base is undeniable, sooner or later it all comes down to wins and losses, and "Shogun" is not going to be in a very forgiving mood.

To see more on their upcoming "Beantown" brawl, including odds and betting lines, click here.