Episode 11 comes crashing out of the gate with a new coaches challenge at The Palms Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. Dana brings the gang over and hints at gambling but lo and behold he walks them to a suite that is big enough to house a basketball half-court.
And here I thought a mini-bar was a bangin' upgrade.
Rampage shakes his head in disgust and admits to having a jumpshot like Billy Barty. He then feels even worse after Dana starts dropping the numbers: Winner gets ten grand and the contestants he coaches get a grand apiece.
Dana offers Rampage a chance to double the purse by landing a 3-pointer and to Dana's dismay he drains it. Perhaps a little bit of hustling on Jackson's part?
Then we see him warm up and realize no, he just got lucky.
So not only does an incredibly accurate Forrest take him to the boards, he ends it with a dunk.
Ouch.
Afterwards we find Jesse Taylor in the chrysalis stage as he begins his transformation into alter-ego "JT Money". He even has a dollar sign (well, half of it anyway) shaved into the back of his head and references a flock of seagulls.
I wasn't sure to think of the Score brothers or my car after a few hours in the mall parking lot.
The guys at the house are hardly impressed and even go so far as to compare the dollar sign to a saggy nutsack or a bathroom faucet. And Kohler thought it had a bold look.
Out of nowhere the shot glasses make their return and Jesse Taylor starts pounding shots until he turns into Roberto Benigni at the '98 Oscars.
Credeur offers to sober him up and decides a trip to the hot tub would be just what the doctor ordered. Apparently he missed episode nine when Taylor painted the town yellow.
Jesse decides that he doesn't need a hot tub to showcase his diuresis and just lets it all go right on the carpet. Hopefully somewhere in the cabinets next to all that booze is a bottle of Resolve.
The next morning its back to business and Jesse and Credeur train hard for their upcoming fight. Credeur decides to let Jesse pound on him until he gets tired and then it's jiu-jitsu time. Good strategy. Sounds airtight to me.
After the weigh-ins we get the dreariest piano solo since "The Lonely Man" as Jesse Taylor whips out a picture of his three-year old son and waxes nostalgic. It could be the first instance I'm aware of where the child becomes potty trained before the parent.
Semifinal match #1: Jesse Taylor (6-2) vs Tim Credeur (10-2)
Round 1: A few jabs and Jesse goes right to the shoot. He drops Credeur with ease and smothers him. Taylor lands a few hammer fists. Credeur is getting mauled and looks totally overpowered. He eats a few elbows. Taylor gets sloppy and Credeur locks up an arm. After a brief struggle Taylor escapes and get back into Credeur's guard. Taylor lands a few big shots. The corner is shouting instructions to Credeur but he is either unable or unwilling to follow them. More damage from Taylor. Credeur again goes for the arm and then tries to sneak in a triangle but gets nothing. The round ends the same way it started: Creduer in guard eating punches.
Round 2: A missed head kick by Credeur opens up a flurry from Taylor and (surprise) a takedown. I considered cutting and pasting the text from round one until out of nowhere Credeur finds a way to sweep and put himself on top. Unfortunately he's not able to do much with it and gets returned to his original position - with ease. The corner lets out a groan of disapproval. Back to the dominace as Credeur rolls to one side and ends up taking more damage. Credeur gives up his back and now rolls to the other side. Taylor seems oblivious and just keeps punching and smothering until the round expires.
Round 3: Taylor opens with an obligatory punch (almost like that mandatory bunt you have to take in batting practice) before shooting and wrestling Credeur to the ground. Taylor muscles him to and fro and Credeur makes it interesting for a minute with an escape but is quickly dragged back to the floor. The corner yells out "Tim, this is your life". Unfortunately its also his cardio as an exhausted Credeur can only be punished on the ground at this stage. Another failed armbar attempt by Credeur. Taylor looks winded but is strong enough to keep it his fight. The bout ends with Credeur getting beat-up.
Jesse Taylor defeats Tim Credeur via unanimous decision.
After the fight Jesse vomits into a bucket and rues his choice of eggs for breakfast. Now that I've seen Taylor both urinate and vomit, I shudder at what he may have in store for the final episode - knowing that his remaining options are very limited.
Stay tuned next week as Amir Sadollah and CB Dolloway clash to see who will face Jesse Taylor in the live finale on June 21 - but wait - someone ends up getting kicked out of the finale and the UFC after some instant replay!
Who will it be? How does it go down?
Find out next week!
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