By Jesse Holland
Ruth Crowley he isn't.ÂÂ
You know in the old days when we had a question we were too ashamed to ask a friend or loved one we would just drive to the nearest rest stop and copy little pearls of wisdom from inside the bathroom stalls.
I guess I'm just old-fashioned that way.
Don "The Predator" Frye, former PRIDE and UFC warrior, is proving that the pen is truly mightier than the sword.
Frye has been treating fans to his little Don-isms for some time now over at the IFL website with his regular "Dear Don" column. And in true holiday spirit, he's re-gifted a vernacular fruitcake for the hundreds of IFL fans around the globe.
Here's a sample of advice from the Frye-guy:
Dear Don,
What's a good Christmas present for my girlfriend that doesn't involve expensive jewelry or me wandering into a women's clothing store? I feel like I don't know how to shop for a woman, but I really like this girl and want to get her something good. At the same time, I don't have a ton of money and am not ready to go the engagement ring route. What should I get her?
You don't want to buy her a ring or any other expensive jewelry, huh? Congratulations. You're not as dumb as everyone else. I don't know where people get the idea that jewelry is some kind of Christmas cure-all. Maybe it's from those damn commercials during the football games this time of year.
Anyway, you've already decided not to go that route, and I'm proud of you. What you do now is put your girl in the car and drive to the strip club. Take her in and buy her a lap dance for Christmas. The good news is that, even if she doesn't like it, she can't return it.
Who knows, maybe one thing leads to another and you both go home with a present. Call it a Christmas miracle. If it doesn't work and she gets mad at you, hey, at least you're already in the strip club. What better place is there to get cheered up after your girlfriend leaves you? Merry Christmas, partner.
And there you have it. I have to admit the man knows his stuff. Those of you with a significant other please remember, don't try this at home.
To check out Don's entire column, click here.
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