By Jesse Holland
Special to UFCmania.com
Ask a fighter for a prediction and he'll often tell you that he's going to let his hands do the talking or he'll do his talking inside the cage, etc. I don't normally fall for such tired clichÃƒÂ©s, but that might be prudent advice after all, especially since Typhoid Mary (the fighter formerly known as Chuck Liddell) slurred his way through an interview on Good Morning Texas.
In most cases it isn't fair to hold fighters to their words in post fight interviews. Anyone who's ever gotten into a fight can appreciate how difficult it is to be articulate let alone coherent when the adrenaline has kicked into overdrive. I remember being interviewed by police after brawling with some creep in Penn Station. I sounded like a Teletubbie on a double-espresso.
Nevertheless, UFC fighters are celebrities now, and in that capacity the camera can be both friend and foe. True, every fighter is different. I don't think Cro Cop ever has to worry about putting his foot in his mouth (he's too busy putting it in other people's) and by the same token Tito Ortiz feels the need to narrate his every move in life as if it were some sort of perpetual Mickey's replay.
With that in mind, here is a look at some of the more memorable quotes from our favorite UFC fighters.
MMA insight and philosophy
Who better to philosophize about the wonders of the UFC than the people inside it? Some things you just can't teach inside a dojo. Tank Abbott, for better or for worse, is living proof of that.
"He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day - and looks like a pussy today."
-Tank Abbott on the rules of engagement.
"A black belt only covers two inches of your ass. You have to cover the rest."
-Royce Gracie on being a complete fighter.
"My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs"
-BJ Penn on training.
"Great time to come out of retirement Randy."
-Mike Goldberg to Randy Couture as the camera locks onto an emotionless Cro Cop at UFC 67.
"Right leg, hospital; Left leg, cemetery"
-Mirko Cro Cop describing his kicks.
"You lost a fight, big deal. If that's the worst thing that happens to you for the rest of your life then you're doing pretty good."
-Randy Couture putting wins and losses into perspective.
The "Boy I wish I hadn't said that" quote
Trying to call the outcome of a fight is like trying to call a home run. When it works, you look immortal. When it doesn't, you look like a tool. As a hack writer, I've dined well on my own words many of times. Here some of the UFC combatants join me in finding out that if you leave your mouth open a little too long, you're bound to end up sticking your foot in it.
"He's got a weak chin, I have heavy hands"
- Nate Quarry before getting knocked out by Rich Franklin at UFC 56.
"He may want to go back to Japan or somewhere where the competition is a little easier."
-Chris Leben before going to sleep againstÃ‚Â Anderson Silva at Ultimate Fight Night 5.
"I have a high threshold for pain."
-Patrick Smith before quickly tapping out to Ken Shamrock at UFC 1.
"Georges St. Pierre is a B-level fighter"
-Frank Trigg prior to getting clowned by GSP at UFC 54.
"My breathing techniques make me impervious to chokes."
-Joe Son before getting choked out at UFC 4.
"I'm going to stand with him and beat him at his own game."
-Ricco Rodriguez prior to getting knocked out by Tim Sylvia at UFC 41.
"Tito Ortiz will no longer fight in the UFC as long as I'm president"
-Dana White on the future of then-exiled Tito Ortiz
"I'm not going to quit."
-Eli Joslin right before quitting the Ultimate Fighter 2.
Things that make you go hmmm ...
They might go right over your head. Or maybe you catch it on the replay. Whatever the case may be, you'll hear it and just look to your friend and ask "Huh?" Sometimes it's better not to think about it.
"Tito took a book out of Chuck's chapter"
-Mike Goldberg on Tito hanging tough at UFC 66.
"Matt Hughes and his brother used to pound each other behind the barn growing up"
-Mike Goldberg describing how wrestling is in the blood at the Hughes farm.
"I beat him square and fair ... oh ... I'm sorry ... fairly squarely"
-GSP on his win against BJ Penn.
"You got kicked by a kick"
-Ken Shamrock to a dazed and confused Solomon Hutcherson after getting knocked out by Rory Singer during The Ultimate Fighter 3.
"This is the best BJ we've ever seen"
-Joe Rogan describing the improved performance of B.J. Penn (or so we hope).
"Our plan was to let the bully come, let him think he was hurting me. Then when he lets up, destroy him."
-Ken Shamrock on why his second fight with Tito Ortiz was stopped prematurely.
Funny is as funny does
Some fighters are just downright funny. The only exception is in Ken's case, because I don't think he intends on being be funny. Maybe that's why he is.
"I'm going to beat you into a living death"
-Ken Shamrock on his love for Tito Ortiz.
Announcer: "And now, a very colorful and decorated fighter... Quinton Rampage Jackson!"
Rampage: "Did you just call me colored?!?"
-Weigh-in for Jackson/Lindland prior to WFA: King of the Streets.
"They suspended me because I'm not from Brazil. And I don't wear my pajamas in the ring."
-Tank Abbott showing love for the Gi and the Gracies.
"All I need now is to get laid. Come on guys, who's gonna take one for the team?"
-Luke Cummo after victory (and twenty ice cream sandwiches) on The Ultimate Fighter 2.
"I'm going to give Keith Jardine Hell but I don't think he'll mind because he sort of looks like Satan."
-Stephan Bonner on facing Keith Jardine at Ultimate Fight Night 4.
"It was like getting raped by Freddy Mercury"
-Tank Abbott on losing to Dan Severn
"I'll come into the Octagon smelling like liquor and dirty hookers and still put the stomp on these kids."
-Chris Leben revealing a little too much about his nightlife.
The great thing about this topic is that it's as diverse as the UFC fighters themselves. While it's impossible to capture all the best, make sure you hang around in the comments section and leave us your favorite UFC fighter quote!