One fine morning after taking a shitty transit ride downtown, I had stopped into Starbucks for my usual black coffee. I was working at a lab in the West Side of downtown Vancouver, and enjoyed the walk there from Burrard station. After grabbing my coffee from this particular Starbucks (all the girls are fucking insane hot) I started my jaunt down Robson street.
About 10 minutes later, the pedestrian traffic had died down a bit and we were all pretty much single file with about 10 feet between us all. I just reached down to put my headphones back in my ears when all of a sudden something hits the guy in front of the man in front of me. It hit him hard and at first I actually thought it was a hard boiled egg. To my surprise it was a Seagull that had bombed this poor soul with a massive deuce.
He turns around and fucking punches the guy behind him in the face, knocked him CLEAN the fuck out. Dude hits the pavement, and the fuck who hit him looks like he's going to start kicking, I hit the guy with a clean, gangster as fuck double leg, and as he's on the ground, I frantically tell him that it was a Seagull shit that hit him, not the guy. He jumps up, freaked out beyond belief, that he had just sucker punched some dude for no reason. I talk him into staying until the cops come (a lady called the cops, and had explained it like it was a fucking gang hit, what an asshole.) He was pretty adamant on bailing, but I had explained that more than likely, if he runs, he will just get picked up and charged with assault...
The cops show up and take the lady's account of what happened (again, fucking ridiculous, she explains that he hit the guy and was going to kill him.) They then ask me, and I explain what happened, and I do with great detail. The cop taking my statement fucking bursts out laughing, and calls someone on his radio. Another squad car shows up, and at this time an ambulance as well to treat the guy, poor fucker had a pretty busted open lip. I had to tell the same story to 6 different police officers because apparently it was the most fucked up thing they've heard that day.
The sucker puncher's story was that it felt like someone had hit him with a soft ball, or some other object. I thought it sounded like BS, I mean how heavy could a Seagull shit be? Well it turns out they can be anywhere between 200 grams and 2 Lbs. Dropped from a decent height, I totally get it.
Anyways, as we wrap everything up, the cop thanks me for staying around, and the guy who got punched said he wouldn't press charges, I don't know if that ended up being the case or not.
The really awesome part of this whole thing, is that there is actually a file named "Seagull Sucker Punch" in VPD files, and I was absolutely thrilled to be a part of it.