FanPost

The Expendables 3 Movie Review

Hey there Maniacs! I'm back from my self imposed exile of needing to take care of the lame ass real wold shit that governs our lives to bring you my thoughts on the new Expendables movie. But wait! It's no even out yet, I hear you say. Well let's just say that I have my ways, and it's not a torrent. (Sorry NSA). But enough chit chat...let's get down to bacon!

Let me start off by saying this - The Expendables 3 has probably the highest body count in cinema history. My rough estimation is about 1000 bad guys get mowed down by Stallone and his team. The first 20 or so minutes of the film have back to back action set pieces that are so huge and bombastic that you're left practically shell-shocked by the time the story for the film really starts to get rolling. And being a Stallone action movie (though he didn't direct this one), there's enough gunfire, bomb explosions and tank battles (yes, tanks, dammit!) to leave you with PTSD once the credits roll. You'll be hitting the deck every time you hear a car backfire. My only complaint about the action is that there aren't enough mano a mano fight scenes in the movie, and the ones that are there are poorly edited and shot with a shaky cam that you barely get enough time to register what they're focusing on before the angle switches or they cut to another character in a firefight.

The story is pretty simple, 80's style action fare, and the script has it's tongue firmly planted in cheek - though it's a little too self aware at times; for instance, Wesley Snipes's character makes a joke about being locked up for tax evasion instead of some of his worse crimes. But hey, I knew this wasn't Oscar bait.

The old crew is back and they're after an old team member who they thought was dead (Mel Gibson as Stonebanks), but is still very much alive and is a dastardly motherfucker, too. After putting one the Expendables out of commission, Stonebanks escapes. Barney fires his old team (Statham and co.) and hooks up with Dr. Frasier himself to recruit some young talent to help bring the Expendables into the 21st century - along with some jokes about 80's action vs hi-tech strategy.

Everyone acquits themselves here pretty well - again, this isn't Oscar bait. The best acting comes from guys like Kelsey Grammar, Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson and Antonio Banderas - who is neurotically funny. As for the new team... Meh...No one's acting chops stood out to me. Rousey is Rousey, here. She's not an actress, she's a fighter - and one without enough charisma to take her career the Carano route. She handles her action fine, as she should. Also, her intro scene had me laughing my ass off. The director, Patrick Hughes, does such a bad job with this intro that it is unintentionally funny. Also, she may be able to kick ass, but she apparently doesn't know what the job description of a bouncer entails. But I blame the script here.

In any event, this movie still turned out to be quite a bit of fun, if not generally formulaic. There was only one part that caught me off guard, and that was a bit involving the Governator at the end of the movie. If you want to go see this movie in theaters, hit the matinee showing and have a blast. Or hit me up on twitter and I'll let you know how to see it free.

6/10

Just a little above average

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