FanPost

God Dammit.

So, after I watched the fantastic card of fights in Dublin today, I had departed my Condo for a wedding. I live in the Okanagan (British Columbia, Canada), so anyone who knows this region understands that it's usually hot and humid, much like OilChecks windowless van, sans the smell of regret. The wedding was fantastic, and as usual, at the reception I drank too much. (I was DD, so it was all Pepsi for this gangster.) I had made my way to the bathroom, and commenced my unbelievably satisfying urination. I finish up, after what felt like 6 gallons of piss and go to do up my pants. At this moment, I had realized I had made a terrible mistake.

I pissed on my fucking tie.

You may be asking yourself how does this happen?

Simple. I wear a tie probably once or twice a year. I hadn't even thought to whip the tie onto my shoulder. The full bladder had taken control of my mental faculties at this point, and the thought had fleeted, much like my 6 gallons of urine.

I ended up cleaning it under the tap, and drying it with paper towel, since this douche bag establishment is like the one fucking place on earth that doesn't have one of those shitty air hand dryers.

I head back to the reception, but what I didn't prepare for was that the tie still slightly smelled like piss. I had kind of thought I smelled it, but also thought I was just being paranoid. I sit down at the table for a bit and take solace in the fact that I escaped a particularly embarrassing situation.

It's now dance time. I'm standing with a bunch of the guys from our table, listening to them talk about dumb shit (my GF is talking with some of the girls) and a woman grabs my tie and pulls me towards the dance floor.

I BURST out laughing. She asks why I'm laughing and takes it personally. She says "why are you laughing? If you don't want to dance, just say no." I then said "It's not you, I seriously just pissed all over my tie." She then literally shrieked in horror towards the bathroom.

Let's just say my GF and I got the fuck out of there.

The moral of this story is that ties are bullshit.

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