FanPost

Hump Day Whine!

The last slice of Pizza!

Oh last slice of pizza, you truly are a stand alone beauty. So many people vying for your attention, you’re one hot commodity.

Getting your mitts on the last slice of pizza takes precise calculations, and perfect timing to do. When you, and the rest of the wolfpack eat your way down to just a couple slices of pizza left, you automatically start doing secret, pizza slice head math. Hmm, well if I’ve got one slice now, and there are only two left, then I can take my time on this one and grab the last one, or I can eat this one really quickly, eat the second last slice, and then race everyone else to the last piece. Fuck yeah! Each scenario is played out in your head to increase your chances of getting to that coveted last slice, but all too often it’s just a matter of luck that brings you there.

Sometimes there will be one slice left, and not to seem greedy you hold out pretending that you don’t want it, when really you're hoping that the other whores are too full to grab it. This tactic never works because the Fat Bastard of the group usually swoops in while mumbling, "Well if no one else is going to, I might as well." Fuck! No hi5 :(

The bite that really stings is when you wake up from partying all night, thinking that there is left over pizza in the fridge, only to realize that Fat Bastard got to it first and went back to sleep. Ugh! Pizza for breakfast is always great to look forward to. It’s a nostalgic, college years move that brings you back to a simpler time. All you can do when that moment is taken away from you, and you're left with an empty pizza box that looks like a graveyard for crusts, is to introduce your butthole to Fat Bastard's toothbrush and move on with your life.

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