Hearing a Dad sneeze!
For some reason, when a man becomes a dad, not only does he take on the responsibility of raising children to become decent human beings, but he also acquires a sneeze that can for all intents and purposes be measured by the Richter scale. What once could be classified as a normal everyday sounding sneeze, transforms into the loudest, most horrible noise known to human eardrums.
Dont get me wrong, my dad is by far the coolest guy I know, but hearing him sneeze growing up was like having someone sneak up on you and scream into your fucking ear before you had time to do anything about it. I felt as though he deliberately tried to make it sound as loud and annoying as possible, just in case there were strangers around him that were on the fence as to whether he was a dad or not. During the initial stages of his sneezes, you couldnt really tell if he had been shot in the face at close range, or if he was just sneezing. Unlike most sneezes, there was a whole production behind my dad’s sneeze. Stage one consisted of trying to breath in all the available god damned oxygen in the surrounding room, before stage two could take place, which basically sounded like some poor fucker falling down a well while their screams of impending doom echoed all the way back up to the top.
I guess when you get to that point in your life when you have a wife, children, a house and a company, it’s harder to have yourself be heard in all the everyday commotion. A dad sneeze is probably just his way of saying, 'hey, I'm still here assholes!'
Happy Fathers Day this weekend to all you Maniacs, with little Maniacs..Salud!