FanPost

Hump Day Whine!

Using self checkout at the grocery store!

The idea of self-checkout is that its there to save time for people who are waiting in line and only have a few items to pay for. The idea is great, but if you've ever actually used a self-checkout before, you'd know that how its supposed to work is a lot fucking different than how it works in reality.

This is how a typical self-checkout experience goes. First item to ring through are the single fruits and vegetables, and this is where you suddenly remember why earlier, you felt like you hated self-checkout for some reason, but couldn’t recall why. Scrolling through a maze of different pictured fruits and vegetables, you're unsure if the apple you have is a Macintosh, Red Delicious, Empire, Fuji, or Gala, so you just press any apple icon to escape the sudden pop quiz on produce knowledge.

Then you place the apple into the shopping bag on the carousel, and all seems to be going smoothly until you look back at the screen and see it displaying the instructions "Please place item back in the bag!" This is the first sign the self-checkout is about to 'Solange' your ass. Confused by the message because the fucking apple is clearly in the shopping bag, you pick it up, and then place it back in the bag, and the message disappears. The fuck?

Next, you simply try to scan a loaf of bread, but for some reason the self-checkout scanner doesn't pick up the barcode. After several attempts to scan it by flattening out any possible creased digits that may prevent the machine from picking up the barcode, the screen changes to say, "Please wait for attendant." Im starting to see red. Already five minutes gone, and only two items into your basket. You look over to the regular line that you left behind for self-checkout, and the heavy breathing bastard who was behind you before you left the line, is already bagging his groceries. Fuck!

Finally, an odd looking little piggy with a huge pimple on his eyelid shows up, inputs a secret grocery code, and all is restored..that is, until you put your bread into the shopping bag and the screen reads, "Please place item back in the bag!" What the FUCK!! You lift the bread up and down, up and down, again and again, until the screen’s instructions change to, "Please wait for attendant." Its at this exact moment that, Bodies by Drowning Pool, is playing in my head for some reason.

After ringing through all your items, and choosing debit as your method of payment, you're faced with a final 'fuck you' from the self-checkout. The debit machine can't read your card. Again, the attendant bounces his way over all bubbly n shit, and puts your card in a plastic bag that they carry around with them for use in such events. He swipes both bag and card through the machine, finally getting your card to be read in some sort of weird grocery clerk magic trick. Ugh! Totally pissed and put off from another time consuming self-checkout experience, you fucking road rage your way home. Right into a speed trap.

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