When the doorbell rings and its Jehovah's Witnesses!
Holy shit! Unannounced visitors is one thing, but when their sole objective is to convert your religious beliefs while you stand half asleep and topless, holding the door open at 8AM in the morning, it’s taken to a whole new universe of suck. I bet Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t even open the door for other Jehovah’s Witnesses when they ring their doorbell.
I personally think that all homes should have some sort of religion repellent system that, when visitors with religious intentions come to visit, automatically activates a giant rubber mallet that comes outta nowhere to hit them on their fucking melons, a la Whack-A-Mole.. But alas, nope. Don't get me wrong, I’m in no way against people who want to be religious, but don’t fart on yourself and then stand beside me and force me to smell it.
I remember waking up at a friends place after a late night poker session, and hearing a knock at the door. I answered it to what looked like a Bingo All-Star team standing in front of me. Three very old women, each holding bibles and dressed to the nines, smiled at me as if they thought I would genuinely listen to what they had to say. Let me tell you, there isn’t a single word that comes out your mouth that they won’t try to spin into some sort of religious experience traceable back to God. If I told them I just had a piece of toast, they would've told me that it was written in the scriptures that man shall enjoy toasts of all different varieties for all of time.
I don’t know if it’s because they were so excited that someone actually opened the door for them, but once a Jehovah's Witness starts talking, they don't stop. They probably know that at any pause or break in conversation, you're going to say goodbye and close the door, so they rattle off everything they possibly can think of, while the whole time I was thinking in my head "I knew I shouldn’t have opened the fucking door!"