Hump Day Whine!

Making small talk!

I don’t know how many more conversations I can have where I have to pretend to be genuinely interested in the weather, before I just start faking sudden onsets of sporadic deafness every time someone wants to make small talk with me.

If you and I both get in an elevator after just being outside, we don’t need to mention that it’s cold outside, we were both just there for fuck's sake. That’s like sitting on the toilet next to someone else in a public bathroom and saying "Ok, I’m shitting now." Some thing’s go without saying.

Small talk was invented to prevent awkward silence from happening, but in the process we may have created a monster even more uncomfortable to deal with than the one we set out to avoid. The main problem is that small talk only follows one rule, make sure that whatever you're talking about has no substance to it whatsoever. This ensures that two people can communicate to each other without having to use any brainpower. But it also means, that the only thing that separates us from the caveman during small talk, is our grasp of the English language.

You might recognize some of the following:

"They’re still doing construction outside."

"I’ll eat a big breakfast in the morning and then eat less and less throughout the day."

"It’s crazy how fast this week is going."

"Have you seen any good movies lately?"

"So what have you been up to?"

"It’s suppose to be sunny for the next two days, and then rain for like a week after that."

Ugh! You know what? I recommend that you go ahead and do what the Jiu Jitsu guy did, and just fart. At least there's a chance both parties will have a great time, and not one word has to be spoken. Oss!

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