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Hump Day Whine!

Picking a wedgie in public!

Unlike picking a wedgie in the privacy of your own home, public wedgie picks require covert tactics to avoid any scrutiny. The society we live in frowns upon blatant pickers i.e nose pickers, ear pickers, shit pickers.. and as such we conform to those rules, which make it extremely uncomfortable to deal with in the moment.

The first step to picking your wedgie in public is to do a casual scan of all the people around you. This includes looking directly behind you to determine if the coast is clear. If there's a heavy concentration of eyes around, you'll have to resort to the handless wedgie shuffle. This is where you start by lifting one ass cheek higher than the other while still in stride in hopes that your underwear will dislodge itself. You might even throw a slight hip sway to utilize both a back & front and side to side motion. This is carried through and repeated a few times before the problem is either solved, or you move on to CIA type strategies.

Usually this means deploying the hands in the pockets technique, where you try to pull down your underwear from within your pockets revealing to no one your evil secret. Sometimes this will work, but when it doesn’t, it leaves you one final option. Just short of a full on pick, try a half casual pick which, if caught, someone could mistake for you just wiping something off your back pocket. If this incognito pick fails, you have maxed out all your options and you now have no options left but to just time it right when no one is looking, and go in for the straight full on pick.

Prior to this pick, you look like someone who is about to shoplift. Nervously looking all around you, double checking, triple checking.. and then with the quickness of lightning, you rip that wedgie right out your butthole like a carrot from the ground.. Aaahh!


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