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Hump Day Whine!

Talking to someone who always has to one-up you!

I don’t have any regular one uppers in my life. Which is done on purpose because every time I meet one of them, acts of violence swarm my thoughts like a bunch of Indian guys just spotted a white girl standing alone on the dance floor.

It takes three sentences to identify any one upper. For instance, your first sentence could be that you love the city of Moscow. Your potential one upper is likely to respond with, "Yeah, it’s alright, but it’s nothing compared to Paris." After this sentence you've identified that they're in fact a prick, but it's still too soon to tell if they're one-upping you. Its not until your second sentence where you say, "I'd love to see Paris again soon," and they respond with, "I’m bored with Paris now, I wanna backpack Europe again," that you now have strong suspicions you're face to face with a one upper extraordinaire. The third sentence is just needed to confirm your suspicions as fact. You might say, "I’ve been to Europe, one of my favorite places was Prague," to which they respond, "I prefer Berlin, Prague is like the poor man’s Berlin." That's all you need to hear to confirm your suspicions, and now its time to abort mission and get as far away from this dry piece of shit as possible.

I don’t have any patience for these people, because not only are they not adding anything to the conversation, but they're also taking away what you’re adding to the conversation. They're so frustrating that regular people will band together to help each other avoid contact with them, "Ugh, don’t talk to that fucking idiot Keith, he’s always one upping you." This kind of obligated kindness proves how much it sucks to talk to a one upper.

I wonder what happens when a one upper talks to another one upper? Has that ever occurred before or do they avoid each other’s territory like drug dealers?

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