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WM fails at offing himself? In Freakin prison? Kinda Pathetic.




There's a new article on Mania about War Machine's suicide note.

But after he says the required pleasantries (professing his undying love for Christy) he can't help but argue his defense strategy in this suicide note.

Deja vu bros.

Just a few weeks ago he used this same tactic when writing another supposedly 'private' letter from jail.

"As if" both letters weren't purposely crafted to sell his defense argument to the public.

For fuck's sake, even the best salesman on the planet can't sell a bushel of dookie for a C-note.

I'm calling bullshit on his suicide attempt.

I hear all kinds of shit about his attempt. "He was purple" "His breathing was strained".

You gullible ninnies.

Offing yourself in jail is not a particularly difficult task.

But War Machine is too much of a pussy for that.

He just resorts to passive suicide attempts using girlie bed linens. I wouldn't be surprised if he timed the guard's routine patrol so he'd be found very quickly.

Alpha Males don't do that shit. They don't hide behind girlie bed linens.

This is the 2nd time he's written a leaked letter claiming that another guy attacked him.

I wouldn't be surprised if he wrote a 3rd letter -- maybe to the jail psychiatrist -- which gets leaked to the media.

Or maybe even a 4th letter to the Pope that gets leaked to TMZ.

Maybe even a 5th letter to Donald Duck at Disneyland.

My advice to War Machine is this:

Bro, this letter campaign was somewhat creative but ultimately it's just not enough to spare you from a LONG-G-G prison term.

Your tee shirts say that you do Alpha Male shit so please honor that slogan and stop doing Pussy shit.

Just plead guilty and admit responsibility like a man.

When you arrive at state prison you'll be free to battle with the Nortenos and Surenos (or their Nevada equivalents) and be an Alpha Male.

But for fuck's sake stop doing girlie shit by snuggling up with bed linens until your face turns purple.

If you lived in ancient times and tried that same girlie shit in the Coliseum, you'd be stripped of your Gladiator status and turned into the Emperor's bitch.

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