Chael Sonnen has a tight 'ass' theory about UFOs

USA TODAY Sports

Cue the X-Files theme...

Chael Sonnen has a new theory about extra-terrestrials that he wants you to consider.

No ifs, ands, or butts.

The Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) light heavyweight coach of The Ultimate Fighter (TUF): "Brazil 3" -- who is getting in front of the cameras opposite Wanderlei Silva for the next international edition of the combat sports reality show -- blew the tin foil hats off the millions of conspiracy theorists with his U.F.O. rant over at FOX Sports.

Here's a snip:

They fly all the way here, over astonishingly vast distances, occupying EONS of time, and all they do when they get here is violate the... umm...."privacy" of a few hack science-fiction writers or conniving lumberjacks?

And the level of abductee-related experimentation is so crude as to be laughable if it wasn't so vile; how many asses do they really need to probe? And why are they so hung up on the ass? You never hear about them examining anybody's ears, or nostrils, or hands. It's always the ass.

Aliens from another world, flesh-and-blood creatures, do NOT exist on Earth. There is not a scrap of evidence to support the idea that they exist. Not one. And if they took the time, energy, and effort to get here, they'd do more when they landed than skulk around in the dark and mess with people's asses.

Sorry Mulder, the truth is NOT out there.

This is likely to come as a relief to former UFC champ Georges St. Pierre, who is terrified of aliens and even admitted to experiencing the "lost time" phenomenon, something widely-attributed to close encounters among abductees. See those comments here.

Fortunately, at least to my knowledge, there has been no attempt to ferret out the French-Canadian's fanny.

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