FanPost

Hump Day Whine!

Watching a sex scene in a movie while sitting next to your parents!

I’m pretty sure this situation alone is where I learned firsthand how awkward a human being can feel just before dying from it. Cos you don’t know awkwardness, until you've experienced watching two people have sex on screen, while sitting on the same couch as your mom and dad, kind of awkwardness.

Watching a sex scene by yourself, or with someone else..fine. Add your parents in the mix, and seconds will feel like hours while you pray in your head for either the scene, or your life to be over. This awkwardness is just accentuated by the fact that neither yourself nor your parents say anything, or even move while the scene is playing. Everyone remains in a frozen state of awkwardness, confirming the high levels of stress felt by all, because for them, I’m sure watching a sex scene in a movie with your children is just as uncomfortable. You'd be hard pressed to even hear someone take a breath during this moment.

I developed a maneuver when I was younger that if I knew there was going to be a sex scene coming up in a movie that I'd already watched before, I'd get up to go to the bathroom or get something out of the kitchen right before the scene would happen and make my return only after it was over. This move protected me from half of the movies I watched with my parents, the other half I just had to hope that the scenes were kept to a minimum, which wasn't the case when I watched Wild Things with my parents. The only thing that could've possibly been more uncomfortable than watching the hundreds of sex scenes in this movie, would've been to take a family trip to a live filming of a porno, for fuck's sake. That awkwardness will forever be stained into my brain along with the cold sweat, headache, and blurred vision I endured.

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