FanPost

Hump Day Whine!

Using the toilet after the last person forgot to flush!

I feel like, if I stumbled upon an alien fetus covered in foreign mucus and half cooked scrambled eggs, I still wouldn’t be as shocked and grossed out as I am whenever I make eye contact with someone else’s shit due to their flushing Alzheimer’s . Seriously, how the fuck does this even happen? Doesn’t everyone supervise each and every one of their flushes from beginning to the end with as much attention as myself? I'd be embarrassed if someone saw my shit, the same way as if I had a dirty old midget porno mag collection and forgetfully left it out in the open for someone to discover.

My brother was the worst for this. His morning shower routine made him much more susceptible than most to forget to flush. He'd go in the bathroom in the morning, turn on the shower, and then do his business. He'd then shower while his dump marinated, because according to him, it will avoid any weird water problems that may arise as a result of flushing the toilet when the shower is on. The only problem was that after he showered and dried off, he always forgot about the turd he dropped. On countless mornings, I'd lift the lid to unveil his artwork.

I don’t know what it is, I can look at my poop a million times over and the only adjectives that come to mind are; proud, intrigued, sometimes worried. But when I get a glimpse of stranger feces, my brain instantly throws up against the walls of my skull, and it’s a race to flush it down before my knees fully buckle, and I start seeing black spots.

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