FanPost

Hump Day Whine!

Putting on 'relationship pounds' after you start dating someone!

Relationship weight gain is the bond that keeps couples together, because no one in the single world wants to date a lard ass. With that being said, nobody wants to be an undesirable lard ass, it’s just a natural path that's impossible to avoid when you’re dating someone.

The weight gain can usually be attributed to the fact that when you're in a relationship you tend to eat out way more than when you're single. Saying 'table for one' just happens to be a lot more pathetic than saying, 'table for two.' On top of that, you no longer feel like you need to look your best all the time to attract a mate when you're in a relationship. You already did the work. Putting in countless hours at the gym, the healthy eating and a stylish new wardrobe. A relationship is your reward for pretending to be a healthy person. Its your time to breath out, abandoning all those punishing tactics knowing you can get by looking okay.

But eventually, looking okay even manages to slip away after weeks and months go by where you’re eating like it’s up to you to reprise the role of Fat Bastard in Austin Powers. Philly cheese steaks, french fries, potato chips, and pizza for dinner. Before you know it, you and your girl are lying in bed together eating Chinese food instead of getting your dick wet.

Summertime rolls around and without the layers of clothing and heavy sweaters you wore all winter to hide your evil secret, ordering McDonald’s feels that much more shameful with a sloppy waistline that would benefit more from a carrot stick and a bigger belt, than a cheeseburger dressed as a Big Mac. As playful comments between you and your girl about each other’s weight gain become less and less funny and more and more spiteful, the both of you push each other to finally get healthy. And it starts and ends by getting a membership to the gym and not going.

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