FanPost

Epic FFT. Jokes and Sexy Womenfolk. Part Deux

Alright you fuckin maggots.

Welcome to another Friday FUN Thread. And yes, it's Friday over here.

Time to get your senses heightened, your eyes glazed, your mind worked, your mouse wheel rolled to fuck and private parts massaged.

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Mortal Kombat 1 Finishes

The original Mortal Kombat is one of the first times I got interested in martial arts.

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If Goro did have a fatality, it probably look like this.

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Not sure where this is from tbh?

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Shit Facts

  1. The sentence, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog", contains every letter of the English alphabet.
  2. Outside the USA, Ireland is the largest software producing country in the world.
  3. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
  4. Australia largest ever petition of 792,985 signatures was submitted to parliament in 2000 to protest rising beer prices.
  5. Earth is the only planet not named after a god.
  6. You share your birthday with at least 9 million people.
  7. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
  8. If you keep a Goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
  9. Chad and Barbie Soper of Rockford, Michigan, have three kids. They were born on 08/08/08, 09/09/09, and 10/10/10.
  10. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

Movie gifs and stills.

Can you name them all?

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Shit Jokes

Q: Whats long and hard and has cum in it? A: Cucumber

I've just installed a camera in my bathroom.
You can follow me on shitter.

Australia has just had a general election. The main concern is about the number of illegal immigrants there are.
Government sources suggest around 60,000.
Aboriginal sources say it's more like twenty two and a half million of the cunts.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I've got Alzheimer's,
This little piggy went to market.

Earlier today I saw the facebook group "Kids vs Cancer". It turns out writing "My money is on cancer everytime" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail.

As a child I was forced to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.

I was fucking my secretary up the arse when my wife walked in.
She said, "You can't do this to me!"
I said, "I know... that's why I'm doing it to her."

What do you do if you come across a tiger in the Jungle?
Wipe it off and apologise.

Some cunt in a nightclub came up to me and said, "I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha. "I replied, "20 x 0 = 0". That shut the fucker up.

"Now that doesn't look like a foot"
Thought the sock.

Celebrity Before and Afters

Wheter its bad aging, a bad plastic surgeon, no make-up, a bit of photoshop or all of these, some pics celebs would rather forget existed.

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More Hot chicks.

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Food porn

Just somethin for the fuckin munchies.

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True story.

Long read, but well worth it! Funny as fuck!!

In Sydney a radio DJ plays a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers'yes',he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?'
Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.'
DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win.
What is your name? First only please.'
Contestant: 'Brian.'
DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?'
Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.'
DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.'
Brian: 'Sara.'
DJ: 'Is Sara at work, Brian?'
Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.'
DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?'
Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.'
DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?'
Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.'
DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well...'
DJ: 'Question #2 - How long did it last?'
Brian: 'About 10 minutes.'
DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake.'
Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.'
DJ: 'Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...'
DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?'
Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for couple of weeks...'
DJ: 'Uh huh...'
Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.'
DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'
Brian: 'On the kitchen table.'
DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it.
Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up.
You listen to this.'

[3 minutes of commercials follow. ]

DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?' (Touch tones.....ringing....)
Clerk: 'Kinkos.'
DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?'
Clerk: 'This is she.'
DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.'
Sarah: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?'
DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?'
Sarah: 'No.'
DJ: 'Good!'
Brian: (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?'
Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.'
DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'
DJ: 'Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?'
Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.'
DJ: 'What time?'
Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.'
DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?'
Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe.'
DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect is manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?'
Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'
DJ: 'Where did you have it?'
Sarah: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?'
Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.'
DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah?'
Sarah: 'Well...'
DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?


Sarah: 'Up the arse.....'

Unban the Banned ffs

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Cmon man, VHW been banned for a while now, for somethin so fuckin stupid. A ban for a day or 2 sure, but a few weeks now.

End the senseless bannings!

I'm gonna be in the live thread come Saturday night, pissed as fuck, and will be on my best not to bad behaviour.

Thank you!

Hope you enjoyed that. If it was too much, just be fuckin glad it wasn't more, cos I had about 3 or 4 more categories which I just haven't got the time for.

So feel free leave any fail gifs or pics and funny shit or some more TnA in the comments.

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