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Tonight I, me MF-ers, defended the HONOR of our DOUCHEBAG sport!!

Tonight I watched UFC 162 in some shithole "sports bar" called buffalo wild wings. So Anderson Silva comes on and they are suckin his balls talking about how he's the GOAT and then he loses like some TUF scrub in the main event of a holiday card!!

So some asshole across the bar starts talking shit about how MMA is a joke cause our best fighter lost like a chump to a no-namer. Needless to say I wasn't gonna take that shit. I stood up for every one of us, including you fuckheads I don't like, and I told that fool he should stick to watching bitch sports like equestrianism.

Then he says "why don't you show me some MMA outside" and I said "why is your mom out there giving blowjobs"? Then he calls me a motherfucker and says it's on. So we go outside and I did what AS did in the ring: made him look a fool except I did it right and used his aggression against him just like sensei Segal would have.

He came at me as soon as I cleared the door and pushed me into a table outside on the patio. But that was just what I wanted cause there was an empty bottle on that table and he put it right in my reach. I picked that thing up and glassed the fuck out of him. He looked up and I could see the fear in his eyes. It was in that moment he hesitated that I hit him with my lead leg round kick. I'm real fucking fast with that.

He started to turn away but I was landing left hooks on him so he dropped and then I took his back, put him belly down, and choked him the fuck out. THEN I raccooned him. When that bastard woke up I told him I put him out using the power of MMA and he needed to give his life to Jesus to erase the hate. He just left cause the cops were showing up.

That place sucked.

ALL of this REALLY HAPPENED

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