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UFC!! Now showing in Betamax!!! Happy Independence Day and a Breakdown of Silva vs Winehouse

This entire post is going to be red, white, and blue so if you don't like it you better start sucking a gaylord.

Why Can't UFC Put Shows on Normal-ass TV Channels?

Why are all the UFC shows being broadcast on Cable 7939 Channel 32 subection 2.1? It's easier to watch this shit on a weather radio than find it on TV. You can't even call your TV provider and ask for the channel because they don't even know what you're talking about. I can't understand those fuckers anyway. I have to yell at them "SPEAK AMERICAN!". I mean Good God it's almost July 4th so have some respect. Shit, my forefathers didn't die so I could listen to some slibber slabber when I'm calling tech support because I can't watch my fights on my Japanese TV while I'm wearing my Mexican shorts playing on my Taiwanese iPad and eating Freedom Fries. GOD BLESS AMERICA! AND FUCK YOU IF YOU AIN'T LIKE IT!

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Don't You Wish Your Country Was Hot Like Me

We live in the greatest country not just in the world but in all of time so why the hell can't I get UFC on a channel that's not broadcast out of a spy submarine off the coast of Indonesia? Prelims? Hell those are almost easier to watch on FX or facebook. Only thing is I never use facebook cause I don't like looking at all the stupid shit other people want me to care about. Oh you have a political and/or religous opninion? Wow that makes you unique, you little snowflake. There's only 1 million other dipshits like you out there. Whatever your opinion is I hate it and all your pics SUCK. NOBODY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DUCK DYNASTY MEMES ANYMORE. FUCKING STOP.

It's Not Snow(den)ing in India

At least if I can't watch MMA when I want to I will always have good commercials to watch because Obama is looking out for my well-being with his phone-tapping, internet-watching, tv-monitoring programs designed for my protection and convenience. He's a true Merican! Thank you Mr President for protecting my freedoms by taking them away!! There were too many amendments in the constitution anyway.

FOX Deal a Game-Changer? More Like Channel Changer!

Dana White promised us he was gonna change everything with this Fox deal. Instead he's busy trying to push his gang into Bangor opening up casinos and sending his coke dealers over there. My sources tell me if this deal doesn't start working out Dana is going to go Paula Deen on everybody up there. Watch your back, Maine.

This is why I watch Bellator. It's also now the home of everybody who should be in the UFC HOF but ain't. Frank Shamrock, Greg Jackson and the list goes on and on. So that's my new name for Bellator: UFCHOF.

ANNNNNNNNNNND NOWWWW IIIIIIIIIIIT'S TIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!

Now let's talk about this next fight: Silva vs Diazweedman

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VS

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This is a straight up set-up by DW. He wants the American to win on July 4th weekend. Now normally I would root for the Merican but Anderson Silva is a real fighter and Martial artist. He doesn't do all the dumb bullshit these other non-glove-touching, telephone-pole-hitting, weed-growing, heroin-dealing, wife-beating, handicapped-assaulting, roid-shooting thugs do. And he trains with Sensei Segal who is another true MAist and also an American. So needless to say Silva may not be Merican but he will be out for justice this weekend and that's something I fully support.

Chris Skills

He beat some cans at 185 and was almost outstruck by Demian Maia in the most thrilling amateur fight ever seen in the octagon.

Anderson Skillsva

Beat the shit outta the planet and told the planet to make him a sandwich.

My Prediction: PAIN

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