FanPost

It Burns When I Pee. (The state of mmamania and its posters)

Return of the CHEF!

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Quick Question Time

Quick question unrelated to today's fanpost: If you have come into sexual contact with a chinchilla and now have a downtown 209 jungle rash what kind of doctor can you go see? This question is for a friend btw.

SBNATION DOES IT AGAIN!

Here's a phrase no one ever uttered

sbnation, your website needs to be less useful, take up more room with over-sized pictures, and have many more misleading headlines!

And yet they have done it...again. Have you been to your profile page lately? I haven't been to yours because you're not worth my time, but that's another point. My point is it's changed again and it sucks. I used to be able to see when I had a reply to my comments letting me know that someone wished to engage in extreme verbal intercourse. NO LONGER! THAT WAS TOO FUCKING EASY!! It's much more aggravating to the eyes to shove that shit in with what I actually wrote making it confusing as to what was really said. So now that I think about it, it matches all the other sbnation headlines!!

Preface

Prefaces are supposed to go at the beginning. This one isn't. You got a problem with that?

I'm a grown-ass man
With a grown-ass hand
To slap across yo face
And KO the taste
Of that UFC waste
You use like toothpaste
Congrats on first place
At the tea-baggin race

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! IN THIS CORNER THE UNDISPUTED SBNATION POSTING CHAMPION SWEDISH CHEF!! Notice I got that right? I ain't no Bruce Buffer. Before we get into today's topics I want to send a shout out to my homie JAYWOLF1. My man is always keepin it real and letting these Zuffa zombies know about the real MMA that's happening in the world. All you trolls would be wise to read his posts thoroughly. Now Let's get a snack and get comfortable.

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Guess Who's a Mother Fucker?

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All you BE rejects.

This is mania, not the lolcats site. Seriously what is up with the influx of these turds lately? It's like every time I turn around somebody is fanposting their soap-opera story of how they got banned. I've seen less drama from the last 17 American Idol judges combined. And I do not watch that show cause I'm not of the gay persuasion, or gersuasion, if you will. And you will. Cause you're a bitch. If you signed up on BE and got banned for admitting you were not a furry, guess what? You still haven't earned your wings here! So you signed up at BE first and then come here after you get banned? Sorry you're no good at SUCKING DICK!

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Outta the pool, bitchass.

This Segment is Called: Just a Thought

Have you ever been to a cookout and thought "I have a hotdog but don't want a hotdog. I only want a bun." So you threw your hotdog away therefore giving you the legal right to beat the shit out of all the other people at the cookout who only had buns and no hotdog even though God made you with a hotdog and no bun? JUST A THOUGHT!!

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Back to the point at hand: REAL FIGHTERS GO TO A DECISION.

I'm sick of reading all these stupidass complaints about fighters not finishing. If you don't want to see the fight go the distance then you are not a true mma fan. A full 3 or 5 round fight truly shows who is the better fighter by proving who is truly the superior takedowner for 15 or 25 minutes. The fighters who finish are getting shortcuts and they would probably lose a real street fight. There's a reason most fights at the higher levels go to a decision. And that reason is skill. The better fighter you are the more decisions you have. It's a fact. Look at the champions and what do you see? Decisions. THIS IS WHY GSP IS THE GOAT AND BENDO IS #2.

Phil Nurse ( P4P #1 cheating gameplanner)

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Wrestling is out of the Olympics and Not a Damn Person Cares

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The safe word is supercalifragilisticexpialadocious.

Literally no one complained about this boring, redundant "sport" being removed. I did a very thorough coverage of the 2012 Olympics and wrestling was included in that. Guess how many comments that section got: ZERO. 0. None. And that fanpost was read more times than your momma's HIV test results. Imagine having 4 years to prepare at boring the eye-shit out of everyone around the world. No matter as others have proved that wrestling is useless and redundant and here are the reasons.

  1. Even GSP, the greatest rassler of all time, has publicly stated that Karate has better takedowns, top-control, and vaseline application.
  2. All the high-level wrestlers are in the WWE.
  3. And that shit is disgusting. Here's the proof with an excerpt from Brock's soon-to-be-released tell-all book.

"You're big", said Kurt. "You're no lightweight yourself, Mr Angle. Speaking of angles what a nice one you have. You can put it anywhere you want." I replied. His hand moved up my trembling, pulsating mangina until his fingers found their home in my warm abyss. "Is this the F5?", Kurt said. "No but the wet season is fast approaching" I replied.

FUCKING GROSS, SON! What's wrong with you and why did you read that?

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The only reason we keep having rassle threads is cause all you n00b perverts can't get enough of bad-touch time. If that's really your thing find another website. Seriously, read the comment section on a rassle thread and it's all n00bs. It reads like a Chaz Bono party guest-list. Did you know the things you read here are being scanned by sbnation and then forwarded on to your employer? The above image has just been emailed to your supervisor. You make me sick!

Closing Arguments

In summation I'd like to re-affirm and thank my supporters for voting me the smartest and most handsome poster on sbnation. And also FightMetric is still garbage and if you don't like me saying that put your head in an elephant ass and yawn.

CHEF OUT DIS BITCH

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