I'm Hey! Ho! Let's gogoplata. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Have you ever been threatened over the internet?
Have you ever digitally gotten under someone skin's in such a manner that he/she/it wanted to fysically harm you?
Have you ever speared some anonymous douche on the internerd so brutally in the ego that said person wanted reach in their computer screen "Sliders" - style only to come out at the other side of the world with a Hendricks-overhand right connecting on your chin, thus getting knocked the fuck out like a little Fitch? (by the way, for those who don't remember "Sliders", click here)
I know i have. In fact here's little snippet of something someone once sent me after I made an innocuous little wisecrack about his mom's ballsack:
By Anonymous on Feb 28, 2013 | 7:24 PM
That’s it, shithead. You’re done.
I don’t give a fuck who you are or where you live. You can count on me to be there to bring your fucking life to a hellish end.
I’ll break your neck, i’ll break your bones, i’ll break your heart and last but most certainly least… i’ll break your ass.
I don’t give a fuck how many reps you have or how tough you are IRL, how well you can fight, or how many fucking guns you own to protect yourself.
I’ll fucking show up at your house when you aren’t home. I’ll turn all the lights on in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas.
You’re going to start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, your wife will leave you, your kids will disown you, everyone you know and love will turn against you and you’ll have a fucking heart attack and shit your ass.
You’ll go to the hospital for a heart operation, and the last thing you’ll see when you’re being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed like a doctor, putting on latex gloves, lubing up and turning you on your side, exposed buttcheeks and all .
When you wake up after being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You’ll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of the hospital to go home I’ll run you over with my fucking car out of nowhere and straight up murder your ass.
I just want you to know how easily I could fucking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I’d rather go to a great fuckng length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living, breathing fucking hell.
It’s too late to save yourself, but don’t bother committing suicide either… I’ll fucking resuscitate you and kill you again myself you pancake-nippled wankface.
Welcome to Doucheville. Population: you. "
You got served?
Yeah, I don't know either but it's safe to say I might want to think twice before I start some shit on the internet.
Or better yet, you know, like, close my laptop and go outside and do that weird fad that everybody's into lately. What's it called again? Having a life? God, what will people think of next?
So,if you have ever received one these of your own or issued a trolltastic hell-a-gram to someone else, don't hesitate to share it in the comment section below.
Anyway, thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next installment of Hey! Ho! Let's Gogoplata! 's douche-o-riffic adventures on the internet.
(Broadcasting live from my uncle's basement®, sodomy™ sold separately 2013)