So, my fellow Maniacs, the year is at a close. Well near enough, anyway. Pablo hit me up yesterday while I was trying to recuperate from a massive stuffed pork and mashed potato dinner and asked me to come up with this year's final fap material for you nasty gutter-minded fuckers, and I gotta say, I'm a honored. A little choked up even. Hold on, got to readjust my grip... Ok, no longer choking... G Smith, you gotta tell me how you deal with that sensation, I'm not really liking it.
Now, on to other matters. This weekend is host to two very big events in the state of world affairs. Unless you're John McCain's offspring or live under a rock, you know UFC 168 is tomorrow. Chris Weidman gets to prove that Matt Serra doesn't just teach how to accidentally shock the world by beating someone you had no business beating, but to also validate that victory in the rematch, something Serra couldn't quite do against GSP. But hey, maybe this will be the one loss Silva doesn't avenge. And maybe if a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his ass when he hopped. Anderson is coming back to take that belt, and then pull a GSP so he can go fight Roy Jones Jr.
Also, can't forget about Moleface vs Cupcake. As much as I want Meisha to win, I have her losing by 2nd Rd Sub on PG. Ronda is too crazy for that sweet ass of Cupcake, though I wouldn't mind seeing Ronda sink her teeth into Tate's ass cheek just once, cause I know for sure she wants to. Bitch will have to fight me to lick that brown eye, though.
Don't worry guys, this isn't going to be a whole breakdown of the event. Just wanted to share my thoughts on the main and co-main before I divulged the second event I alluded to earlier. This Sunday, December 29th, I turn 30. As you can see in my profile pic, I'm very excited! I expect every maniac to get me a gift. If you want to send me any sex toys, ask Oily, he owns a sex shop and will give you a discount on Sybians and anal beads. If you're thinking of getting me involved in crazy group sex, ask Pablo how to get it set up. He lives in LA and knows all about how the Eyes Wide Shut scene works. As for getting me drunk, my poison is Whiskey. I like a good Irish Whiskey, but will settle for Canadian when I'm broke. Tap or Snap can get that Johnny Walker Blue Label, I've been wanting, so hit him up. Or if I'm lucky, he might have some Absinthe in stock! So if you feel sorry for my advancing in years, feel free to show me love through sexual favors and alcohol.
Now, on to why you guys are here!
Alright, Maniacs, you guys have a great New Year's! Party responsibly, and remember what I said about my birthday presents. Whiskey, and sex! ... Lots of sex.
On that note, let me leave you with the time Jack Nicholson stole Christmas:
HAPPY NEW YEAR, MANIACS! What resolutions are you going to make and then subsequently break?