I did one of these a few months back and it seemed to get some laughs among the metalheads and punk rockers among us here at Mania. I figured I would expand a little bit.
1. Shogun – Trampled Under Foot, by Led Zeppelin
I can’t count how many clips I’ve come across where Shogun is using the ball of his foot to stomp what’s left of the life out of some helplessly overmatched hapless soul in Pride. Granted, in "Trampled Under Foot" Robert Plant uses auto-terminalogy to describe women and liken them to car parts in a song that has absolutely nothing to do with feet, but the metaphor sits perfectly with this one. In the comments section, feel free to mention songs that could have played on Shogun’s "unorthodox" cardio.
Neither here nor there, but if Zeppelin released the first disc of Physical Graffiti as a separate album, it probably would have gone down as the greatest record of all time.
2. Carlos Condit – Friend of the Devil, by Grateful Dead
Just a disclaimer for all church-going Maniacs, I AM NOT suggesting that Carlos Condit associates with devil worship. With that out of the way, Condit’s controversial win over Nick Diaz is arguably the most significant of his career. It won him an interim UFC belt, and set him up for a shot at GSP. If MMA fans had to remember Condit for one fight, it would most likely be his track meet with Diaz (I am not saying Diaz won, I’m just saying it was a track meet, not a fight). In "Friend of the Devil," Jerry Garcia mixes Blues, Bluegrass, and Folk in a tale of running from the law and child support bills. The live version of this song (there’s a billion different ones, but the one they tacked on to American Beauty, is super badass).
3. Chris "Cyborg" Santos – She’s Got Balls, by AC/DC
I don’t need to explain this one. The lady’s got more TRT leaking out of her ears than Vitor.
4. Paolo Thiago – I Am The Law, by Anthrax
Paolo Thiago is an active crime fighter in Brazil wherein he is a member of a specialized team that targets drug traffickers, terrorists, kidnappers, etc. His 9 to 5 is some hardcore shit when it’s all said and done. The fact that he does this full time and still knocks out Josh Koscheck earns my respect anyday of the week. The only thing that could elevate his badass status would be coming out to "I Am The Law" by Anthrax, a song that pays homage to Judge Dredd. Now, the only thing that could elevate his badass status more than that would be coming out to the song dressed up like Judge Dredd, rocking Scott Ian’s beard, and wearing his BJJ black belt with futuristic laser pistols hanging from the holsters. I've probably gone too far with this now. I’ll stop.
5. Gray Maynard – Banned In DC, by Bad Brains
The fist UFC event I went to was Diaz vs Maynard II at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, VA. Efrain Escudero got his arm pretzeled by Evan Dunham, Tom Lawlor and Aaron Simpson put on a slugfest, Chris Leben almost killed Jay Silva, Amir Sadollah beat Brad Blackburn, Rory MacDonald ran through some guy, and then Nate Diaz and Gray Maynard put on the most boring checker game of a fight I’ve ever witnessed. I’m a Diaz fanboy so I blame Maynard for the whole thing, hence he’s "Banned in DC."
6. All UFC Weigh-Ins – March of the Crabs, by Anvil
All UFC Weigh-Ins are the same: guys undress, hop on the scale, Rogan screams, Dana breaks up a shoving contest, boring rock instrumental plays in the background. Dana, get rid of that stupid-riff-heavy-no-bass-shitty-ass-instrumental-that-we-have-all-been-forced-to-listen-to-for-a-decade! This one is better, trust me.
7. Renan Barao – I’m Ugly and I Don’t Know Why, by Betty Blowtorch
It’s the teeth, I can’t get over it. Betty Blowtorch spills the ills of being teased for your looks on this one.
8. Jon Jones – Drinking N Driving, by The Business
Yes, I despise Jon Jones enough to take another shot at him for his DUI even though its been years and everyone else has gotten over it except for me.
9. Matt Brown - Last In Line, by Dio
Matt Brown is riding a six fight win streak, with five knockouts lumped in there. He made some commotion about wanting a title shot after he beat Mike Pyle but got Condit instead (let me be clear, Brown WILL NOT BE extending his win streak any further). Brownie is last in line when it comes to title shots if you ask me.
10. Josh Barnett - Legalize Murder, by GG Allin and The Scumfucks
Have you ever heard Josh Barnett talk? Have you ever heard a GG Allin album from cover to cover? They are pretty similar experiences. If Congress were to "Legalize Murder" I honestly believe we would see Barnett signing up to fight 12 times a year. I also went with this song because I don’t have any music on my iTunes that are about steroids.
11. Brian Caraway – My Girlfriend is Dead, by The Vandals
I think Meisha Tate is better looking than Ronda Rousey, but its her only exploitable advantage. When the two first ladies of WMMA rematch, Caraway is going to be singing this number from the Vandals. The stick figure video to this song is outright hilarious.
12. Conor McGregor - Small Man, Big Mouth; by Minor Threat
I don’t deny that Conor McGregor is a special talent, but at the same time I acknowledge that he’s a noisy little bastard. His Twitter smear campaign against Cub Swanson, Dustin Porier, Dennis Siver, Nick Lentz, and Chad Mendes garnered more attention than his snoozer-win against Max Holloway. My hometown heroes, Minor Threat, nail this one.
13. Chris Weidman – Kill the King, by Rainbow
I was at a bar in Reston when Chris Weidman swung the left hook that knocked the entire world out. I turned to my friends, lifted my glass of whiskey and murmured "the King is dead, long live the King." I know that the phrase bears significance in English literature, but truth be told, I only know it from the British gangster flick "Layer Cake" with Daniel Craig and Tom Hardy. Anyways, every time I listen to Ronnie James Dio sing his lungs out on "Kill the King," I remember toasting with my friends over Andy’s loss.
14. Lee Murray - Bankrobber, by The Clash
I went with this one because no songs exist about getting into a street fight with Tito Ortiz or catching Jorge Rivera in a Triangle Choke. And those are the only things that Lee Murray are known for.
Any good ones that I missed?