The Ultimate Fighter (TUF) returns TONIGHT (Fri., Sept. 28, 2012) for episode three of the once great reality television show's 16th season on its loving home on the FX channel at 10 p.m. ET.
Last week's episode saw the first elimination fight of the season with Neil Magny taking care of business against Cameron Diffley, whose vaunted jiu-jitsu was no match for the stand up striking of the Team Carwin standout.
Now it's time for the next elimination fight and more hijinks inside the TUF house.
A complete live blog with full results from the show:
TUF 16 EPISODE 2 RESULTS AND LIVE BLOG
Broadcast is live.
As usual, we're shown Team Carwin celebrating while Team Nelson is in mourning. Carwin says watching his guys fight is more heart attack inducing than actually fighting.
Nelson, meanwhile, says it's kind of nice that Carwin has control of the next fight because it means the entire squad isn't sure who will be picked to fight, so they all have to be ready.
Back at the house and Secor is getting into it with someone. He says he's not here to be "butt buddies" with everyone in the house. The good thing here is when they talk a bunch of shit to each other, eventually they get to fight.
Herron-Webb says he couldn't sleep, so he's playing some pool. And he's specifically doing it to mess with people. He finds a few takers in Eddy Ellis and Mike Ricci,who tell him to knock it off.
He continues on anyway, jumping rope and causing issues with people. Ricci is being nice about it while Webb continues to be a douche bag roommate.
Time for the fight announcement.
It will be Team Nelson's Joey Rivera vs. Team Carwin's Sam Alvey.
To the gym now and Team Nelson is complaining about night time habits. They're calling out Webb for his bullshit antics at night. Michael Hill isn't happy about it because he was up until 2 a.m. because of it.
Not exactly a good teammate.
Webb says he's not trying to be a dick. If people are awake, then come hang out with him. They all rightfully tell him to fuck off because they're only awake because he's messing around.
Unbelievably enough, Webb says if someone were to come out and tell him to stop, he would. Which happened, and he didn't.
Off to the familiar training montage stuff where we learn more about each guy, starting with Rivera. He's talking about getting into fistfights with his mom's boyfriends and he thinks that's why he's here today.
I get the reason they do things this way but it's so beyond formulaic and repetitive at this point, there's no real reason to want to watch. Watching someone train isn't fun. At all.
Yet here we are, Rivera training with Nelson and talking about how he's going to take care of Alvey by either submission, knockout or decision.
Boy, that really narrows it down.
Let's learn about Alvey now through the Team Carwin training montage. Sure enough, they cut to exactly that. Why watch a show when you know everything they're going to do anyway?
Alvey says his fiance won America's Next Top Model. Does that mean she weighs 29 pounds and has the body of a man? I heard a theory once that the reason models are so skinny and lack curves is because the fashion industry is dominated by gay men who enjoy a certain body type. See where this is going?
Oh wait, TUF is on.
Pep talk for Alvey and they go off to commercial.
More hijinks coming back from break. Looks like some guys are putting someone's mattress in the pool. It's Alvey mattress, which is being held up by flotation devices.
Igor Araujo, the Brazilian, is really upset about the pool being put in the pool. He says he can't deal with this kind of stupidity. Alvey, meanwhile, is completely okay with it. He even slept on the couch, tossing and turning the whole way.
"Loosey-goosey, baby," he said.
Time to weigh in.
Rivera talks about having sex with his wife before his fights without actually finishing. He lets her get hers but doesn't ejaculate himself.
TUF, ladies and gentlemen.
Alvey, meanwhile, just talks about being happy to be here and happy for the opportunity and happy to get to do what he loves and happy, happy, happy.
Backstage training montage, last minute pep talks, and all that. Alvey has Pat Barry, Nate Marquardt, and Trevor Wittman.
Rivera has Nelson.
Joey Rivera vs. Sam Alvey (170-pound limit)
Round one: Rivera opens with a monster head kick that slaps hard. Another kick, this one to the body. He shoots in and gets a takedown just as soon as Alvey throws a punch. He quickly gets Alvey's back and puts both hooks in. Man, this is a beating so far. Alvey at least manages to get to his feet and Rivera no longer has hooks in but he still has the back against the cage. Alvey turns but gets double leg dumped for his trouble. He wall walks but Rivera is really pressing him. He looks like he might have a standing arm triangle. Yeah, he does. It's not getting anywhere though, so Rivera goes low to slam him again but this time Alvey bothers to defend. Finally, Alvey gets out and goes offensive but Rivera locks in a guillotine that Alvey escapes by rolling through and flipping over. Rivera hangs on as much as he can with Alvey pushing hi against the cage with roughly 1:30 to go. Alvey finally gets out and kicks at Rivera's legs while standing over him with time running down on the round. The hammer to sound 10 seconds left brings huge hammer fists from Alvey to close it out.
Round two: Slow going to start the second. Alvey inside kick gets a reaction but now he's pressing Rivera against the cage much like the end of the first round. They reset and don't get much standing and quickly go back to clinching against the cage. Nelson literally demonstrates on a corner man how he wants Rivera to lock on a guillotine but just as he goes to do it, Herb Dean separates them. Ha. This is just a clinchfest now and no one is doing much of anything, despite passionate screaming from everyone who isn't in the cage exhausting themselves. Nelson is losing his voice. Alvey goes under and gets a big pick up slam with 10 seconds left. He ends the round on top.
Final result: Joey Rivera def. Sam Alvey via majority decision
That was basically a terrible fight and Dana White is the first guy to pop up on the screen to talk about it.
"That fight did not go the way I thought it would," he said.
Alvey is upset because he thought he won the rounds. "Can't let it go to the judges," he remarks, repeating that horrific mantra. Carwin talks about The Marines and how their motto is to never leave a man behind and that's how they'll approach this loss. Alvey will go on to have a great career, he just knows it, and they'll all support him in that.
Over in the Team Nelson locker room, Nelson is talking about how Rivera won because he followed directions.
Oh my god. Get over yourself.
"I came here to devastate the world. This is for the resolution of my soul," Rivera says. What the hell does that even mean?
That's it for this one, Maniacs.
See you in seven.