I just got home from work and I have nothing else on my itinerary for today other than catching up on Alphas,so I figured I would let you all in on the origins of UFChump's inexplicable hatred for the great BJ Penn.The following story is true.
A few years ago...
UFChump was happy to leave work early for a change.His job as a gay porn rectum double wasn't easy,but it paid well,and he was unique among his peers.While he was too ugly for his face to be seen on camera,UFChump's rectum had the innate ability to stretch to any size,and return again to it's normal state without any loss in elasticity over the long term.This made him invaluable in the world of gay porn,where not all assholes are created equal.
As he pulled into the driveway of the home he shared with his wife,he saw that an SUV was already there,with "BJ Penn's MMA" and "Nova Uniao" bumper stickers clearly visible."Huh," he thought,"must be a friend of the wife or something."
You could say that.
He entered with an enthused "Baby,I'm home from work early today.We wrapped up my anal gangbang creampie scene earlier than expected!".He heard the sound of his wife crying and wailing coming from the bedroom.Alarmed,he hurried towards the sounds,and as he neared the bedroom door,he heard her scream "oh fuck yeah BJ,fuck me like the MMA Legend you irrefutably,undeniably are!!Right here in the bed my lame ass husband and me sleep in!!"As he opened the door,UFChump saw that BJ Penn himself was in his wife's full guard,slamming her deep and hard.
UFChump threw open the door in a fit of rage."God damn it BJ Penn get the fuck out of my wife's vagina!"
BJ was shocked."THIS is your husband?" he exclaimed,a look of incredulity on his face.UFChump was adorned in his trademark Tapout t-shirt,which was two sizes too small,and cargo shorts."Yeah,that's the bitch." she said,her disappointment and annoyance readily apparent."Wow,you could do way better" BJ sighed."Well I was until a few seconds ago,god damn it." she murmured.
UFChump took his fighting stance."You're gonna pay BJ Penn!I'll knock your overrated,fat ass out right here!!I'm a brown belt in UFC under Kimbo Slice and Steven Seagal!".Thinking that his Tapout shirt and cargo shorts somehow enhanced his already non-existent fighting ability,he charged BJ full speed."Is this idiot for real?" BJ thought.No matter.As UFChump went in for a looping overhand right,BJ pulled out of UFChump's wife and promptly swung his cock into UFChump's face,knocking out all the teeth in the left side of his mouth,and rendering UFChump near unconscious.He followed up with a flying-inverted-gogoplata-heel hook-rear naked choke,maintaining the submission hold until UFChump passed out and shit his pants."You did it,Baby Jay!" UFChump's wife exclaimed in elation."Meh." was all the enthusiasm that BJ could muster over having choked out this random dumbfuck after having defeated the likes of Sean Sherk,Matt Hughes,Diego Sanchez,and others.
UFChump awakened in a daze,drooling blood from his mouth,with his pants full of shit.Immobilized by pain,all he could do was look up at MMA Legend BJ Penn as he shot a huge load in UFChump's wife.BJ looked down upon UFChump."Look like I'm the champion in all three of your wife's "divisions" now,dipshit.",Penn laughed.
UFChump could barely speak,but he managed to slide these words out the front of his senile fuckin skull;"I swear to god BJ Penn,I will trash your name at every opportunity in every MMA forum and comments section on the internet...I will downplay your acheivements,post stupid gifs in response to solid,intelligent,logical arguments that I can not even hope to counter,fervently deny that you are indeed one of the all time greats of MMA and a pioneer of it as well.MMAMania member Emmery Myers will post a great comment on my FanPost arguing against me that receives twice as many recs as my FanPost itself does.By the the time I,UFChump,am done,you will be relegated to the dustbin of history,where no one will ev..."BJ rose from the bed that he had just made UFChump's wife cum in 6 times."Whatever dude." he sighed,turning his gaze to UFChump's wife."Hey bitch,make me a sandwich for the road,would you?"."Sure,BJ!" she exclaimed,happy to serve him.BJ walked out of the room,absent mindedly stepping on UFChump's head as he did so.
Well,that's that ladies and gentlemen.Now you have the lowdown on UFChump's inexplicable hate for the great BJ Penn.This was 14 minutes of my life I won't get back.Bye.