UFC on FX predictions and prognostications

First of all, fuck thee off BodyPunch. Nobody gives a shit what you think.

Second, I should warn anybody who is considering listening to my advice on fight picks that I pretty much blow lately. My season record is 25-21, so there's a roughly 50% chance I'll be wrong. But in the words of Big Bird on Sesame Street, I'm the thug that you love to hate. So you can always pick against my pick and be assured of being right half the time.

Facebook fights

Jake Hecht (11-3) vs Sean Pierson (11-6)

MMAPlayground: Hecht 807 (56%)/-120 vs Pierson 623 (44%)/-120

I'm not sure why these guys are so evenly matched by fans. Sean Pierson's most impressive win to date was a slobberknocker against a mentally retarded Matt Riddle. Hecht is no world beater either, but his knockout of Rich Attonito with brutal elbows to the temple was unforgettable. I think what fans are seeing are the two big names Pierson fought and forgetting he was demolished by them both. I foresee Hecht winning, if not in the standup, then through key takedowns for the points win.

Hecht by decision

Bernardo Magalhaes (11-2) vs Henry Martinez (8-2)

MMAPlayground: Martinez 821 (56%)/-120 vs Magalhaes 633 (44%)/-110

Man, this one is hard to call. It's basically coin-flipping time. Based on Martinez's performance against Matt Riddle, you would give the nod to him. Other than Riddle's retard rage, Henry was probably the better fighter in that one. And Bernardo probably doesn't have much to offer on the feet, so his only hope is hold Henry down. I'm betting that won't happen.

Martinez by decision

Fuel TV Fights

Buddy Roberts (11-2) vs Caio Magalhaes (5-0)

MMAPlayground: Magalhaes 829 (57%)/-125 vs Roberts 631 (43%)/+115

How many fucking Magalhaes' are there on this card? Anyway, colour me ignorant but I have no idea who Caio has beaten in the jungles of Brazil, but he's clearly got some submission skills. Big surprise from a Brazilian. Buddy Roberts hasn't been beating up GSP in his spare time, but he has four knockouts, which is three more than Caio has. With power and better wrestling, I'm picking against Nova Uniao for once. Plus his name is Buddy. How can you not pick a buddy?

Roberts by TKO round 2

Tim Means (17-3-1) vs Justin Salas (10-3)

MMAPlayground: Means 1019 (72%)/-125 vs Salas 399 (28%)/+115

Tim means is riding a very nice win streak, has a UFC win under his belt, and a long history of knocking motherfuckers out. Salas, meanwhile, is on his own streak, and also won in his UFC debut by taking down the better striker in Anton Kuivanen. That won't happen to Means, who proved against his last opponent that he can't be taken down at will. He also comes in with a reach and height advantage over Salas. Going the distance with Rob Emerson and Joe Ellenberger proves Salas is no scrub though. It'll be close.

Means by decision

Dustin Pague (10-5) vs Jared Papazian (14-7)

MMAPlayground: Papazian 801 (53%)/-110 vs Pague 719 (47%)/-120

I'm not sure why you guys are all picking Pague. He's a TUF scrub who was knocked out in the first round by the TUF scrub who was armbarred in the last event in the first round. Papazian, meanwhile, gave top bantamweight prospect Mike Easton everything he could handle and more.

Papazian by brutal KO round 1

Leonard Garcia (15-8-1) vs Matt Grice (14-4)

MMAPlayground: Garcia 1028 (70%)/-250 vs Grice (30%)/+215

Let's face it. Nobody really knows what's going to happen when Garcia gets out there and if they say they do they're goddamned fucking liars. It will really depend on whether Garcia clips somebody, and whether or not the judges buy the bullshit winging punches he throws. If a decision, I say they will. If a finish, I say it's Leonard's.

Garcia by TKO round 3

Seth Baczynski (15-7) vs Lance Benoist (6-0)

MMAPlayground: Baczynski 919 (64%)/-100 vs Benoist 525 (36%)/-125

I think the betting lines have it right here. Lance Benoist is the favourite here, despite what people think. This should probably wind a grappling match, and whoever is the stronger fighter will prevail. I feel like Benoist is the sleeper pick here, but Seth has looked great since TUF. Will he join a long list of scrubs to flail? Or can he take it to the next level? It's hard to say, especially since Benoist faded against Riddle.

Baczynski by split decision

Mike Pierce (13-5) vs Carlos Eduardo Rocha (9-1)

MMAPlayground: Pierce 1148 (73%)/-180 vs Rocha 414 (27%)/+160

It's Mike Pierce. It's a split decision.

Rocha by split decision

Main FX card

Eddie Wineland vs (18-8-1) vs Scottie Jorgensen (13-5)

MMAPlayground: Jorgensen 1251 (81%)/-275 vs Wineland 299 (19%)/+260

Both are top of the food chain in the bantamweight division. But Jorgensen just has an edge. If Benavidez or Faber couldn't finish Eddie, I doubt Jorgensen will. But I foresee the "W" for the multi-pigmented one.

Jorgensen by decision

Mike Pyle (22-8-1) vs Josh Neer (33-10)

MMAPlayground: Pyle 842 (55%)/-105 vs Neer 686 (45%)/-120

This is a great fight between two long-time UFC veterans. Pyle has always been a difficult fighter to underrate, especially with his win of undefeated prospect John Hathaway, and his recent demolition of Ricardo Funch. But ever since Josh Neer has returned to the UFC, he's been fighting like a man possessed. In short, a man from the Diaz Bros. camp. This should involve brutal exchanges, lots of grappling, an all-out war. Neer is nearly impossible to stop. But this isn't going the distance.

Neer by TKO round 3

Erick Silva (13-2) vs Charlie Brenneman (15-3)

MMAPlayground: Silva 947 (62%)/-100 vs Brenneman 583 (38%)/-130

This one's tough. I mean, who do you pick? The proven fighter who took out guys like Rick Story and Ninja Roberts? Or the flash KO prospect who hasn't fought outside Brazil or the first round recently? If Brenneman has his way he'll lay and pray the shit out of Silva. But I don't think he'll get his way. It's make or break for Silva in this one. Is he real, or isn't he?

Silva by KO round 2

Demetrious Johnson (14-2-1) vs Ian McCall (11-2-1)

MMAPlayground: McCall 1071 (63%)/-160 vs Johnson 632 (37%)/+150

Johnson may be overlooked in this one. McCall looked good in his last fight but it was still close. I think Uncle Creepy is focused enough to put it on Mighty Mouse in this one, and as he told Ariel Helwani on the MMA Hour he hasn't lost since he got clean and sober. But Johnson is quick and wily. It will be a question of whether McCall can slow him down with his power and get the takedowns again and keep him there. There's no question this is going the distance again.

McCall by decision

That's it, you fuckers. May you fail long and hard.

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