You heard me right. Today the city of Stockton set a record for the largest city in the United States to file for bankruptcy. Once something catastrophic like this happens everyone is left asking why. Well the reason is simple: Nick Diaz.
I will explain after the jump, asshole.
Read this. No in fact don't. I'll give you the cliff notes: The city of Stockton is in collapse because no one knows the whereabouts of Nick Diaz. Nick Diaz was supposed to go to the doctor today to get some more weed and what happened? ...Nobody knows because the fucker didn't show up. That's another $50 no-show fee the doctor's office charges. Add that to his skyrocketing malpractice insurance premiums (THANKS OBAMA FOR RUINING LIFE) and this forced the doctor to shut his doors leaving many without proper medical care.
All because of that bastard Diaz. You think he cares about your healthcare?
"Fuck your healthcare, son." -- Nick Diaz on healthcare.
Later that same day Nick Diaz tweeted his followers on twitter to come meet him for autographs in the park. You think he showed up to that? If you have to ask that question you're a fucking moron. No, he didn't. Millions of teenage Nick Diaz fans waited, with pants sagging to their knees, in the park all day into the night hours waiting for a glimpse of Nick Diaz. Some were abducted (by Wisetoad) some were lost, but none of them went to the movies to pay $40 for a ticket to see the latest movie about vampires getting married.
This forced the theater to close down due to lost sales. But do you think Nick Diaz cares about what movies you like?
"Fuck your movies and you, son." -- Nick Diaz on movies you like.
These events caused a butterfly/ripple/nipple effect on the city it could not bear. The only hope left now for Stockton is to buy lots of high mileage oil and find the Governator:
"Fahk You, Nick Dhhhiahhhzzz! I vill fix dis city." -- Arnold on Nick Diaz's recent actions.