Alright men, the first plan for this thread was to just reverse that last disaster and talk about which female mma fighters we would like to impregnate with our seed but what would be the difference between that and any other thread? Then I thought maybe we'd talk about beer but ShivanTiger's already got that area locked down. So I'm thinkin to myself, how do I get the MAN back in MANia today? Here's what we'll do... I'll put forth a couple different scenarios here and you'll assess the situation and decide how you in your most manly state would handle it. I'm not talking logical, well mannered, good decisions here, I'm talking HULK SMASH or Bourne Identity style. We'll rate the answers with Chucks, see below.
Here is the scoring system.
1 Chuck - You get an "A" for effort but are still a girly man.
2 Chucks - You are a real man, someone to be feared.
3 Chucks - You are all that is man. Women want you, men want to be you. Those who know you love you, those who do not know you, love you from afar.
Now, onto the scenarios...
After a long night of drinking you awaken to find your right arm pinned down and you are unable to move. Upon further investigation you discover that an exceptionally large woman is laying with her back to you. You attempt to wake her but are unable to as she has just gone into hibernation for the winter. You look around and discover that you are both laying on a large pile of hay, there is a pen within reach and her back is large enough to draw blueprints and plans on. There is a small night stand just out of reach with a dirty tennis ball on it and you can also reach a ball of yarn. There are numerous rats scampering about and you are constantly fending them off with your feet and free hand. You can also reach a 3 ft piece of 2x4. You can scavenge bits of cheese and other food items from between her rolls but without water, you won't survive more than 2-3 days at best. What do you do?
You and a friend stop in at a "hole in the wall" bar for a couple of drinks on your way to kill deer and bear with your bare hands. Apparently the folks round these parts don't take kindly to you and your friend. You and your friend don't take kindly to folks not taken to kindly to folks round parts. The bartender plainly states that he wants no trouble in his bar and that he is calling the police. You attempt to drill his brain to stop him but he's protected by a lvl 52 lightning shield that deals back 42,000 AOE dmg on attack. Taking out the bartender so that he cannot alert the authorities is not an option and letting these people off the hook would go against all of your savage man instincts. The local sheriff will arrive on the scene in minutes. Within reach are several 12 oz bottles, 1 plastic pitcher, a 30 gallon trash can and a used condom. The tables are bolted to the floor, there are pool sticks nearby as well. The bartender will not interfere if a fight breaks out inside and will not stop you and your friend from taking the action outside. You have a 1972 Gran Torino out front with a 352 Cleveland under the hood, this is your only method of transportation aside from running/walking/crawling etc... What do you do?
On your way out of a movie theatre you and your girlfriend are acosted by two men dressed as Rabbi's and an argument ensues. Rabbi A punches your girlfriend square in the nose and assaults her, Rabbi B and you step aside and watch as the fight unfolds, laying down money on who you think will pull out the victory. After the fight is finished, you reprimand your woman and tell her how dissapointed you are that she didn't fight back. Especially after he kicked her while she was down. On your way to the parking lot you notice that aside from the physical injuries she is also very down trodden and emotionally down. You tell her to sac up and quit crying but on the other hand you've just won $200.00 from betting against her on Rabbi A during the brawl. This being the case you want to lift her spirits, but you don't want to go full on sensitive male in the process. What do you do?
Alright guys, take on one or all 3 if you dare and be creative. I'll start first.
Scenario A. I would accumulate as much cheese from between her rolls as possible and smother the exposed part of my pinned arm in what I had found. I would then wrap the yarn around the 2x4 and bite down on that area to deal with the pain as I let the rats gnaw through my arm. Afterward, I would stop the bleeding of my stump and cut myself a steak off of her back.