And if you're in jail, then dammit, you better break your ass out.

That's according to the announcer in this old-school drag-racing video parody that hearkens back to the earlier days of televised promos that, like my junior prom, consisted mostly of loud noises, bright colors and incessant barking. I particularly enjoyed the grainy video feed and less-refined ring card girls.

But the message is loud and clear.

Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) will bring a card full of ass-kicking heavyweights to the MGM Grand Garden Arena this Saturday night (May 26, 2012), including a 265-pound title fight between Junior dos Santos and Frank Mir.

In fact, the entire main card is chock full of bouts with serious title implications (see the line-up here) and if you can't get pumped up for this weekend's fireworks, you need to reconsider your commitment to mixed martial arts (MMA).

I'll see you all on Saturday! Saturday! Saturday!