God Chael helps those who help themselves.

Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) middleweight number one contender Chael Sonnen, who is expected to challenge Anderson Silva for the division crown at UFC 147 later this year in Brazil, has decided to impart his wisdom upon the mixed martial arts (MMA) fan base with a self-help book titled "The Voice of Reason: A V.I.P. Pass to Enlightenment."

Sonnen describes his literary offering (via Amazon.com):

Presence. Tenacity. Insight. Omniscience. No need to look these words up. They are defined by yours truly. Who am I? I'm the one who needs no introduction, the walking thesaurus, the UFC's most infamous and feared destroyer of men. I am Chael P. Sonnen, and you want to be just like me.

It's your lucky day. What you are holding in your hands is nothing short of a V.I.P pass to enlightenment. In the coming pages my humor and tales of heroic adventure will baptize you in superhuman greatness. Allow me to carry you like a frail damsel as I make a nightmarish decent into the bowels of Sao Paulo. Sit before me as a student as I teach you about my plans of creating a Chaelocracy, which translates to "A Better Earth." Shower me with praise as I take you into my manly mitts like a lump of seemingly worthless clay and craft you into something far better than yourself-me.

Like all great men of myth and legend, I strive for the betterment of the human race. Prometheus brought us fire; Dana White brought us the modern day gladiator; and I bring you a step-by-step guide to being just like me. Do you have what it takes? Is there truly a chance that one day you will be able to walk in my shoes? Purchase this book and find out. There is no better day to stop being you and start trying to be me.

You're welcome civilization.

You too, can be like Chael for a mere $24.95 (list price) by heading over to Amazon and pre-ordering your copy today. "The Voice of Reason: A V.I.P. Pass to Enlightenment" hits bookshelves on May 15, 2012.

See what else Sonnen has in store for readers after the jump.

• Why Dance Dance Revolution is the national fighting style of Brazil.
  
• How vegans are ruining themselves and the world.
  
• Why you should never feed carrots to a school bus.
  
• Why you don?t need an athlete to be your hero.
  
• How fighters and fashion models have the exact same job.
  
• Why republicans are more compassionate, pioneering, rebellious, and generally cooler than any liberal.

Alright Maniacs, it's confession time. Who's going to pick this book up and change their lives for the better? If not, it should at least be good for a few laughs, but I don't expect it to be a huge hit in Brazil.

Who's buying?

More on "Anderson Silva vs. Chael Sonnen II" right here.