About Last Night...: UFC 132 - Cruz vs. Faber

by Applejack McNeil on Jul 4, 2011 3:53 PM EDT

Yes, I'm late.

Consider yourself lucky that it's just ALN... and not your girlfriend's period.

Rating Scale:

There's a very specific scientific formula that goes into the ratings. In fact, I'm relatively sure I've discovered a new mathematical theorem in creating the scale. I'm like Winnie fuckin' Cooper. I've sent the data off to NASA to be analyzed. The amount of action, the technical prowess involved, and the number of times I start chanting like an old school ECW fan during a Sabu match are all taken into account when rating each fight. If you disagree, I suggest you fill out a Three T Form.

– Ugh. The dregs. Usually using this time to get myself a drink, catch up on Twitter or drunkenly grapple with my friends.

– Relatively boring fight with a few flashes of action. Nothing to write home about. This rating is unofficially called "The UFC 119 Award" around the office

– Middle of the pack, baby! These fights are one of two fights: an either solid affair all the way around or a lackluster fight with a spectacular finish. Sometimes a potential 4 Guida drops off in the last round and that's just a damn shame

– A great fight, to be sure, but it's missing that one crucial element. The one little thing that you can't quite put your finger on that keeps it from going FULL ON GUIDA~!.

– Damn near perfect fight. This is one of those fights where I quickly dart off between rounds to empty my bladder or grab a drink as to not miss one second of the action. You know the fights I'm talking about!

And heeeeeeeere weeeeeeeee gooooooo!

Bantamweight: Jeff Hougland vs. Donny Walker

Something about Hougland's skull bugged me.

Winner: Hougland via decision (unanimous), 29-28/29-28/30-27

Rating:

Lightweight: Anthony Njokuani vs. Andre Winner

At least this could be said for Winner: he didn't get his ass knocked out.

But seriously, you're gonna stand and trade with a dude like Njokuani, get lit up, and then CONTINUE to stand with him? It's baffling!

"I'm gonna eat at Jack in the Box." Two weeks later. "I ate at Jack in the Box and got the shits bad. I'm gonna eat at Jack in the Box."

You deserve having a worn out cornhole, Winner.

Winner: Njokuani via decision (unanimous), 30-26/30-26/30-27

Rating:

Middleweight: Aaron Simpson vs. Brad Tavares

I didn't watch this fight because whiskey was calling my name.

"Aaaaaapplejack. Aaaaaaaaaapplejack. Put me in your mouth."

Wait, I typed whiskey, right? Okay, good.

No matter how many times I've seen Aaron Simpson fight, I always get him confused with Aaron Riley. So I'm always like, "Since when did he gain 30 pounds? That's not very smart."

Combine that with him fighting Brad Tavares who I always confuse with Thiago Tavares and I was confused as shit.

Winner: Simpsons via decision (unanimous), 30-27/30-27/30-27

Rating:

Bantamweight: Brian Bowles vs. Takeya Mizugaki

Bowles HAS to be Cameron from Ferris Bueller's kid, right?

Bowles basically controls the mat from bell to bell (or horn to horn, whatever) and brings his winning streak to two.

Creepy fucking fact about Bowles: He beat Damacio Page each time... by guillotine... at 3:30 in round one.

That's some Rod Serling-type shit right there.

Winner: Bowles via decision (unanimous), 30-27/30-27/29-28

Rating:

Lightweight: Raphael dos Anjos vs. George Sotiropolous

Damn, what happened to ol' Georgie? It seems like a year ago he was only a win away from a title shot and now his ass is getting knocked out dirty as hell on Spike.

And fucking props to dos Anjos. Last time fought he got his jaw cracked by Clay Guida so I'm sure he's thinking, "Man, broken jaws fucking suck. But wait... maybe they just suck if it's YOUR jaw? Hmm, I should put this theory to test."

And afterwards he thought, "Okay, broken jaws aren't all bad."

Winner: dos Anjos via knockout (punch), R1 0:59

Rating:

Lightweight: Melvin Guillard vs. Shane Roller

I like Roller. Dude trains down the street from where I work.

But homeboy was getting tagged by Thiago Tavares in his last fight before coming back and getting the knockout himself.

I thought, "Shit, if Guillard lands half of what Tavares did with half the power he did, Roller is going to sleep."

Yeah, I fucking thought that shit into existence.

Also, I'm sure dos Anjos was all, "PISS! There goes my bonus!" backstage after this.

Winner: Guillard via knockout (punches), R1 2:12

Rating:

Welterweight: Carlos Condit vs. Dong Hyun Kim

Man, I really wanted to like Kim. Here's a Korean dude who had good wrestling AND wasn't undersized for his weight class that the UFC could use to stake a claim in a huge market.

But fuuuuuuuuck is that dude boring.

The best parts of his fights are when his opponents are winning but he had already spent two rounds wrestlefucking them so they still lose the decision.

A lot of people picked "Stun Gun" to win because Condit has shit takedown defense and Kim is takedown machine and yadda yadda yadda.

Here's the thing: Condit fights like he loves the sport. Kim fights like he likes to win.

Watch Condit come back and beat Rory Macdonald at UFC 115. That's someone who doesn't give up, doesn't quit. That's someone who feels like he will be -- years from now -- named alongside Hughes and GSP as welterweight greats.

Kim has great wrestling and grinds, grinds grinds before he gasses. He hasn't improved at all since his UFC debut.

So seeing Condit land a BEE-YOU-TI-FUL flying knee and snatch that KO of the Night from Guillard was amazing. That's your next WW title contender, ladies and gents.

Winner: Condit via knockout (flying knee and why the hell not, here are some punches), R1 2:58

Rating:

Light Heavyweight: Ryan Bader vs. Tito Ortiz

What. The. Fuck.

Winner: Ortiz via submission (guillotine), R1 1:56

Rating:

Lightweight: Denis Siver vs. Matt Wiman

Seriously, Matt's nickname should be "Bustin' Dat Hymen."

But anyways, because of the July 4th party, I didn't watch this fight. I was also pretty pissed that I had just lost over $100 on the Bader/Ortiz fight because every single fucking parlay I had included Bader beating Ortiz.

Fucking hell.

Apparently this decision was bullshit, though. MANIACS! CONFIRM OR DENY!

Winner: Siver via decision (unanimous), 29-28/29-28/29-28

Rating: Um, ? Sure, why not.

Middleweight: Chris Leben vs. Wanderlei Silva

This is the "There ain't no Santa, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy" all wrapped into one but in the punches-in-the-face version.

This sucked. This sucked fucking bad.

Seeing Silva get knocked out like that... that's some therapist-type shit.

"Well... then Silva charged forward and Leben landed three or four uppercuts and dropped him. And then... and then he landed to a punch to Silva while he was on the ground and that... oh, christ... it was over."

"Are you serious?"

"Fuck you, I'm spending $100 an hour, I can talk about whatever the fuck I want to!"

Winner: Leben via <.sniff> knockout (punches), R1 0:27

Rating: (it was still one helluva KO)

Bantamweight Title Fight: Dominick Cruz (c) vs. Urijah Faber

Alright, so I'm about three or four beers and half a dozen whiskey cokes and two or three rum and cokes (we ran out of whiskey! I FUCKING KNOW, RIGHT?!) in at this point so I can't really discuss this fight in detail.

All I remember is that it was fucking entertaining as hell.

Look, Cruz is never going to be the Anderson Silva-type fighter who fucking KEE-YAH kicks motherfuckers in the face. He's got great movement, good angles, and he fights smart.

I remember drunkenly trying to explain to another guy at the party that I had it tied up going into the fifth.

"I dunno... maybe like 49-45?"

"That score doesn't make any sense."

"Well, like... Cruz won the first and third, I think. And Faber could make a point for the second and this last round."

"So you have it 38-38?"

"No, man! Fucking, like 49-48."

"Goddammit, you have it two rounds a piece?"

"YES!"

Winner and STILL champion: Cruz via decision (unanimous), 50-45/49-46/48-47

Rating:

Shit. Combine all the KOs, Tito's "wouldn't believe it unless you saw it" submission, and the awesome title fight and you got yourself a contender for Event of the Year.

Alright, you little fucking hooligans. I'll see you for Strikeforce WAAAAY at the end of the month.

BUT! Judging from my UFC 47 ALN... I did last week, Papa Applejack likes to enjoy his sauce at the most unconventional of times. Thursday night? Fuck it, why not?

So I'll probably get the the "writing bug" and the "drinking bug" sometime between now and July 30th and bust out an oldie but goodie.

By the way, I own theoregonduck a Pride 2000 GP ALN...! Is he even still around?

Alright, fuck you guys, I'm out.

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Comments

Nicely done.

I don’t really even like Tito and I was cheering and shit.

Me gusta me reggae, me gusta punk rock, pero la cosa que me gusta mas es panochita.

by Wicky Wicky Scratch on Jul 4, 2011 4:33 PM EDT reply actions

I thought Tito was going to cry

Man.

by Deuce02 on Jul 5, 2011 6:31 PM EDT up reply actions

LOL good stuff

I really hope theres another rematch between Faber and Cruz.

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

by JamPark on Jul 4, 2011 4:34 PM EDT reply actions

I always thought Bowles looked like Mark Walhberg. lol

http://cache.ohinternet.com/images/c/c6/YOU_MAD.jpg

by mistahsupahyphy on Jul 4, 2011 5:40 PM EDT reply actions

hmm… late

hmmmmmm… run out of whiskey?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…… fuck a duck. Im here. Asking. Begging. Pleading. And drinking red stag.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

If it helps make my case. Im getting married on this upcoming Saturday. And i don’t recall receiving a gift from anyone in Texas yet.

"Banks today, will gladly give a loan today, so when you miss a payment they can take your home away" - Lupe Fiasco.

The blue collar has NO idea.

by Bigger Zino on Jul 4, 2011 5:46 PM EDT reply actions

congrats on your wedding!

fedor > gsp > a. silva
it's much more impressive to control a guy like fitch for 5 rounds than it is to beat leites in any fashion. The quality of opposition tells a story as well.

by vhw_ on Jul 4, 2011 5:54 PM EDT up reply actions

Why you getting married here Zino?

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

by Ponch-Hoe on Jul 4, 2011 11:40 PM EDT up reply actions

here?

say what Ponch?

"Banks today, will gladly give a loan today, so when you miss a payment they can take your home away" - Lupe Fiasco.

The blue collar has NO idea.

by Bigger Zino on Jul 5, 2011 9:01 AM EDT up reply actions

Congratulations Z

If you need a place to run away to at the last minute Cali is nice this time of year ;).

Seriously though, we all may not “know” each other, but after “talking” amongst one another for literally years, we do! Best wishes to you, the bride to be, and the future little Z’s. Honeymoon?

(sure, I’ve been drinking since noon, but this ain’t no homon shit…..mostly)

'Primitive Magic is replaced by Religion, which in turn is replaced by Science'
-JGF

by *Californication* on Jul 5, 2011 2:19 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions

thanks buddy

I know what you mean.

Going to a Sandals Whitehouse in Jamaica for a week. Funny enough, I ended up in Jamaica because of convo I had with Duece months back and again recently.

"Banks today, will gladly give a loan today, so when you miss a payment they can take your home away" - Lupe Fiasco.

The blue collar has NO idea.

by Bigger Zino on Jul 5, 2011 9:03 AM EDT up reply actions

you guys will love it man. No doubt. Congrats!

by Deuce02 on Jul 5, 2011 6:32 PM EDT up reply actions

Cali.

Ready and waiting bud.

Has a sig bet with Californication for Wiman/Siver at UFC 132
Further more, I have a sig bet with Chronogata on Lesnar over JDS

by doonerthesooner on Jul 5, 2011 9:08 AM EDT up reply actions

Totally forgot about that bet

Good on ya for bringing it to my attention.

Sig

Californication-SoCal-SouthCaliStunNa-Cali is the most knowledgable poster on Mania, in regards to all things MMA, BBQ, milk, movies, and women. I should have learned from the fallen before me not to go up against him. NNR has no idea what’s in store for him, like me, he will join the beheaded on Cali’s Hit List.

Pic

'Primitive Magic is replaced by Religion, which in turn is replaced by Science'
-JGF

by *Californication* on Jul 5, 2011 2:06 PM EDT up reply actions

I got the sig but sorry dude I can't put that pic on my work computer.

Californication-SoCal-SouthCaliStunNa-Cali is the most knowledgable poster on Mania, in regards to all things MMA, BBQ, milk, movies, and women. I should have learned from the fallen before me not to go up against him. NNR has no idea what’s in store for him, like me, he will join the beheaded on Cali’s Hit List.

by doonerthesooner on Jul 6, 2011 8:16 AM EDT up reply actions

excuses

Current bets:
20$ on Fedor to finish Hendo against ViolentMike.
SigBet with TheGreg on Rampage to beat Jones, his 2 weeks to my 1.
SigBet with kg12 on JDS to beat Cain, 1 week.
SigBet with Jay on Diaz not getting finished by GSP, 1 week.

by freenow82 on Jul 6, 2011 1:20 PM EDT up reply actions

i nearly lost my shit when tito droped bader

he should retire after that win but alas he’ll live to see another ud not come his way.

and no, it wasn’t a bullshit decision. I believe siver out punched wiman and holding onto a single for dear life doesn’t win fights unless your last name is sanchez

fedor > gsp > a. silva
it's much more impressive to control a guy like fitch for 5 rounds than it is to beat leites in any fashion. The quality of opposition tells a story as well.

by vhw_ on Jul 4, 2011 5:54 PM EDT reply actions

Fixed

and no, it wasn’t a bullshit decision. I believe siver out punched wiman and holding onto a single for dear life doesn’t win fights unless your last name is ~~sanchez~~ Couture.

Times have changed for sailors these days, when I'm at port I get what I need. Not Havanas or bananas or daiquiris, but that American creation on which I feed.

by P-Dub on Jul 5, 2011 8:56 AM EDT up reply actions

I watched it again last night and scored it for Wiman again.

Siver landed way more strikes but almost none of them were significant. Very close fight in my opinion.

Has a sig bet with Californication for Wiman/Siver at UFC 132
Further more, I have a sig bet with Chronogata on Lesnar over JDS

by doonerthesooner on Jul 5, 2011 9:08 AM EDT up reply actions

I thought even the insignificant strikes were still more offensive than Wiman’s leg hump. And I really wanted him to complete that takedown and get me 11 points in the money pool.

Times have changed for sailors these days, when I'm at port I get what I need. Not Havanas or bananas or daiquiris, but that American creation on which I feed.

by P-Dub on Jul 5, 2011 9:32 AM EDT up reply actions

He was scoring points and he eventually busted him open with them in the third.

I thought Wiman won via “octagon control”

Has a sig bet with Californication for Wiman/Siver at UFC 132
Further more, I have a sig bet with Chronogata on Lesnar over JDS

by doonerthesooner on Jul 5, 2011 10:19 AM EDT up reply actions

I'm still here! Computer is broken as shit and I ain't too keen on mobile posting so I usually gotta sit around and read all the asscrap that gets posted without a rebuttle

The only person who could beat Melvin Manhoef in a street fight is Fro-be bryant

by theoregonduck on Jul 4, 2011 7:00 PM EDT via mobile reply actions

Great writeup! ANd you are right, that was onr of the best events of the year sofar, the main event including.

by freenow82 on Jul 4, 2011 9:05 PM EDT reply actions

hmmmmmm

http://blog.fightmetric.com/2011/07/siver-vs-wiman-official-ufc-statistics.html

that is the fightmetric link to the fight in question… i looked at the stats..thought it looked good for siver…but then i noticed that even though siver outstruck him (maybe not all that handily) by quite a bit…even fightmetric came up with wiman for the W…now i picked siver to win in the money pool…but i thought it was close enough to give it to the german..and i was so sure that because of the blood and the fact that they usually give it in favor of the yanks i was pleasantly surprised by the decision!

by sarah- on Jul 5, 2011 11:04 AM EDT reply actions