Bienvenidos a About Last Night...! If you've been following the column for a while, you'll notice some subtle differences starting in this edition.
Basically, I love MMA. Love it. LOVE it. Like, if it were a lady, I would marry her and give her foot rubs. I love it when two dudes are slugging it out like they ain't never heard of an armbar, I love two guys grappling llike they've never thrown a punch in their life. I love when they do both.
I love it all.
And that's what ALN... is going to be about: no hating, no fighter bashing, no trolling.
I spend a lot of time being serious about MMA (History in the Making, read them!), this is my time to have fun with the greatest freakin' sport on the planet.
Get that tattooed on ya and I'll buy you a drink. Maybe even two.
There's a very specific scientific formula that goes into the ratings. In fact, I'm relatively sure I've discovered a new mathematical theorem in creating the scale. I've sent the data off to NASA to be analyzed. The amount of action, the technical prowess involved, and the number of times I start chanting like an old school ECW fan during a Rob Van Dam match are all taken into account when rating each fight. If you disagree, I suggest you fill out a Three T Form.
– Relatively boring fight with a few flashes of action. Nothing to write home about. This rating is unofficially called "The UFC 119 Award" around the office.
And heeeeeeeere weeeeeeeee gooooooo!
I don't think Aoki is the kind of guy to say, "I told'ja so" but he TOTALLY told Beerbohm so. "Fancy Pants" claimed that Aoki couldn't submit him and that's sorta like slapping a starving tiger in the face with a steak tied your chest. And also making fun of his mama. Beerbohm messed with the bull and he got the horns! That's a Breakfast Club reference so take a drink if you're playing the ALN Drinking Game. Once the fight got to the ground, it was all Aoki and he did what he do.
Winner: Aoki via submission (neck crank), R1 1:33
Light Heavyweight: Keith Jardine vs. Gegard Mousasi
First off, that referee was AWESOME. He looked like a reanimated Confederate general.
Alright, onto the fight. Jardine used takedowns in the first, straight Rashad-style. They're homies! Mousasi landed an illegal upkick and got a point taken off (remember that!). Mousasi turned on the gas in the third and straight Freddy Krueger's Jardine's face. Seriously, if there was a vampire in the arena, he would have blown his cover by jumping in the ring and licking the mat clean (if only Twilight were that awesome). But because of that point deduction, all that bloodletting is for not. The fight is ruled a draw. Kind of a shame.
Winner: DRAW via DRAW (MAJORITY DRAW DRAW DRAW... DRAW), 29-27/28-28/28-28
"El Nino" ain't fought in forever so ring rust might be an... OH MY GOD WHAT HE IS DOING TO KAWAJIRI?!? Melendez wasn't playing around! He dropped Kawajiri, landed some awesome knees in the clinch, made out with a hot chick, took Kawajiri down, did some long division WITH a remainder, barreled down with some ground and pound and ended the fight with VICIOUS elbows... ALL IN THREE MINUTES! Holy crap, that was a... you know what? There isn't a word in the English language to describe the ass whooping that was.
Winner and STILL champion: Melendez via TKO (strikes), R1 3:14
Diaz IMMEDIATELY started talking noise. Of course he did, that's what he do! That trash talk is backed up with Diaz's crisp boxing and Daley was rocked early. Diaz ended up getting rocked and dropped but he recovered quickly and KEPT TALKING SMACK! That's dedication, folks. Diaz eventually was able to box Daley out of his consciousness and Daley stanky legged his way to the way to the mat. SWARM SWARM SWARM and the fight was stopped!
Diaz straight up beat Daley, who c'mon playboy ain't a ground wiz, at his own game but still...
Winner and STILL champion: Diaz via TKO (strikes), R1 4:57
Alright, so the bunk Mousasi/Jardine draw took a ton of wind out of the sails of this card but Melendez straight gangstering Kawajiri and the AWESOME~! slugfest that was Diaz/Daley made up for it. I'm hearing that Mousasi/Jardine II is on tap and hey, I ain't got no problem with that.
One thing I love -- LOVE -- is Diaz giving the hard sell to his gym Cesar Gracie Academy, saying it's just not for people who want to be fighters but maybe just want to learn some BJJ. That's some dedication.
Melendez straighted mercked Kawajiri. Is he the best lightweight in the world? What do you think, Maniacs? He stole the decision four years ago but MURDERDEATHKILL'd "Crusher" last night and that dude ain't never been stopped from strikes.
Plus Diaz beating Daley at his own game?
That's what we're living in now, homies. Deal with it!