Police Report: Kevin's Weekend Dominating Fight (Photos)

The police force on the mean streets that Kevin stomps on have pieced together through witnesses and photographs what occurred that fateful evening.


10:09 p.m.

Kevin hard at work on his world famous Monday Black Belts website, when he starts to feel an overwhelming urge for BBQ ribs. The thought occurs to him that his wife went to work...on a Saturday...for some reason...once a year...and then went to a restaurant with her coworker...and it's now pretty late at night... and then it clicks! That restaurant has awesome BBQ ribs.



He calls her and asks if she can check if there are any ribs left this late at night. She is heard by witnesses telling him that her co worker has ordered the last of the ribs and has eaten them all with his own two hands.




Neighbors later testified that they could hear Kevin crying and screaming into the phone that he is starving and will break both his arms!

11:32 p.m.

After taking a long time to get down the stairs, Kevin is seen getting into his car and heading toward the restaurant.


His hunger is making him weak, so he decides to try and calm it by using breathing exercises. Witnesses in the cars beside him claim to have heard him breathing in a strange pattern, hee hee hee hoo, hee hee hee hoo, hee hee hee hoo.

11:52 p.m

Kevin arrives at the restaurant lightheaded from the strange breathing and dizzy with hunger.


His wife's co worker is seen putting his phone back into his pocket, after trying to order Kevin some ribs from the nearby Applebee's. But Kevin is not the type to play around. He is on fire and will ask questions later and comes in swinging.


But being dizzy and lightheaded, Kevin connects with his beloved. She is a little rocked but otherwise fine. Her co worker was then heard saying after Kevin's miss: " Umm, Kevin? I'm right here."

Kevin goes in for a repeat performance.


This time she is down. Kevin is now disorientated with hunger and the most exercise he has done in 10 years.

12:18 a.m.

Confused, he leaves, mad with hunger. He motors off on a stolen vehicle, photograph captured by a traffic cam.


After his daring escape from the police, he finds his much sought after BBQ ribs and enjoys a nice dinner.



Kevin is heard telling people that everything is fine and is certain the guy will apologize and he will never receive any lashback from the incident.










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