Gas up the Mystery Machine, Maniacs, and help me pull the mask off the mysterious mixed martial artist who disarmed a would-be mugger on the streets of Chicago.

Hint: It's not old-man Jenkins.

What we do know, according to the Chicago Sun-Times, is that "Justin" is a six-foot, two-inch heavyweight who tips the scales at 250-pounds and hails from Des Plaines by way of Romania. He's also "former military," with "high-risk training" and experience with "hostage rescue."

Does this sound like anyone you know?

"I don't feel like a hero. Training matters. If you're well trained, you have a chance to survive. He asked me for my wallet, for my phone and my keys. I told him I don't have a wallet, I only have cash. He cursed me - like ‘m-----f-----.' At that moment, he backs up the gun and he racks it. The gun jammed. He racked it a second time. He ejected the bullet on the ground. He went down and grabbed the bullet and said, ‘Look, m-----f-----, it's a hollow point. I'll blow your brains out.' I wasn't scared because I'm trained. The round went off. I put him down to the ground. He was fighting. He didn't want to give up."

Folks, we either have ourselves a legitimate badass or the teller of very tall tales, taking advantage of a clumsy criminal who accidentally shot himself in the ankle.

As we reported back on Dec. 5, Anthony Miranda, a convicted felon who already knows the ins-and-outs of the Illinois penal system, approached "Justin" in his parked car on Fri. Dec. 2, 2011, around 11:30 p.m. in the southwest side of the "Windy City," brandishing a firearm and demanding some dough.

Struggle ensues, gun goes off, ass gets kicked.

Police arrived to find Miranda incapacitated by the man with no (last) name. Not that he was going anywhere anyway with a bullet in his bones.

All's well that ends well, I suppose.