It was well known that before Zuffa's acquisition of Strikeforce Alistair Overreem was the #1 heavywight Mixed Martial Artist outside of the UFC. Everyone online liked to take time away from raiding on WoW and googling furries to argue about who would win in a dream (not the promotion) match-up between the Reem and anyone in the UFC. Well now we no longer have to wonder. Overeem will face Brock Lesnar at UFC 141.

And the Chef is about to splain to you how this will go down.

Plain and simple: Overreem wins.

How, do you ask? First, don't interrupt me; I'm asking the questions here. Here are 9 reasons why Alistair Overeem will beat Brock Lesnar.

Reason #1: Alistair Overreem has a bigger boat

This is undisputable. Boats = Anderson Silva money, playboy. Better money means better training camps and better steroids hgh mexican prescriptions supplements.

Reason #2: The ladies love the Reem

Ladies can sense a winner, as all my ex-wives can testify that is what attracted them to me, and Overreem is dripping with it. Brock not so much. He used to wrestle other guys in a pair of grape-smugglers. And when he wasn't wrestling men he was wrestling sharks.

Now where are the women in that pic? Answer: nowhere. Another point for Ally McReemy.

Reason #3: Alistair Overeem is one of the Knights who say Knee/Ni

He says Ni with his Knee! Now how in the hell do you think Brock will withstand this? He can't. It's been proven that everyone hit with an Overeem knee is now dead. And I'm not even making that up. Google it. More on that later... So how will Brock survive an Overeem knee right in the fucking diverticulitis? He won't.

Reason #4: Brock Lesnar can't put more than 2 sentences together without causing himself brain damage.

It happened in the middle of the ring after he "beat" (early BS stoppage) Frank Mir. And I quote "Rawr, me Brock smash bud light; screw wife. Ooooaaagghh --(unintelligible)". When he was on TUF he said the words "chicken salad" and "chicken shit" more than I've ever heard in my life.

Reason #5: Brock has the balance of a three-legged cow with Parkinsons.

What the fuck did I just watch?

Reason #6: Overeem knows Bob Sapp on a personal level.

No explanation necessary.

Reason #7: Brock Lesnar was tapped out by a Lightweight.

Remember that time when Nik Lentz said he guillotined that that big ass neck? Yeah that happened. I was in the gym that day. Joe Warren was there, too. Crying.

Reason #8: Alistair Overreem secretly killed Kim Jong Il.

Why? Because he was so ronery. How? With his knee. Have you not been paying attention? I told you before, they're all dead.

Your nukes couldn't stop a Reem knee, Jonger.

Reason #9: Brock Lesnar's voodoo sacrifice to his animal god was interrupted by the Canadian Mounties.

It is well known that Brock gains his strength through these appeasements to his primitive god. But he was interrupted and the spell was not completed. Meanwhile Overlord has consumed 3 horses in that span of time. Who do you think is in better shape now?

And that's it, maniacs. Put them dollars on Alice and have a Merry Chirstmas.