Judo's Corner: Let's talk MMA newbs

Hello Maniacs,


As that brilliant song we all know goes; "It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday...."  and so on.

I don't feel like discussing any really relevant or introspective material because I am already feeling nauseated at the 2-3 months of verbal diarrhea that will be the precursor to the Machida-Jones fight at UFC 140.


I can see it all now:



Judo: "Machida will take this"

ANS: "He can't. He cannot.  Jon Jones will turn the water into wine, bread into fish, and he will resurrect someone at UFC 140.  All this before he even gets in the cage".

Judo: "Machida has the style, technique and athleticism to hang with Jones"

NNR: "No way.  Jon Jones not only coined the word 'athlete', he also established the first Olympic games in ancient Greece.  You know Hercules? That story was actually about Jon Jones' actual real life achievements"


You get the picture.


So, I wanted  to discuss those guys or girls we all see at the bar.  You know the ones.  Their friends told them about Kimbo Slice, so they stumbled across this thing called "UFC" and suddenly know everything about it.

These people are my favourite form of entertainment outside of the actual fights.  One of my favourite conversations  I ever overheard was a guy who clearly knew nothing about MMA telling his friend, equally ignorant to the sport, about all things MMA:

Newb #1: "Hey man, check this fight out.  It's gonna be sick.  The dude in the really tight shorts is a guy named GPS. He's the UFC world champ, nobody's beat him."

Newb #2: "Sick. Who's the blonde afro guy he's fighting?"

Newb #1: "Some guy named John Crosscheck.  He's also really good, but GPS is the champ.  The champ man!!"

Newb #2: "Awesome.  So what exactly are they gonna do?"

Newb #1: "They're gonna fight dude.  They fight each other.  They have the open gloves so they can like grab and claw each other in the face, bro"

Newb #2: "Wow.  Do that GPS guys shorts have to be so tight?"

Newb #1: "Yeah man, because when he runs, he's more aerodynamic that way".


Truly epic.  Straight from the Mike Goldberg School of MMA Commentary.

So, what are you waiting for Maniacs?

Share your Newb stories.



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