The Ultimate Fighter (TUF) 12: Episode 5 recap and discussion

The Ultimate Fighter (TUF) Season 12, featuring welterweight coaches (and division rivals) Josh Koscheck and Georges St. Pierre, is back for Episode 5 and wow -- right into the slow piano solo.

Ah, it's Coach Koscheck reflecting on his path from TUF rookie to number one contender. With Team GSP out to an early 3-0 lead, "Kos" brings in the big guns, starting with friend and AKA teammate Jon Fitch, who's sporting his patented isosceles hairdo.

Nam Phan appreciated having his butt kicked by the Fitchster and Coach K rattles off the platitudes.

Back at the house, a stir crazy Alex Caceres gets his prank on and swaps fabric softener for bleach. Unfortunately Michael Johnson is doing a load and blows a gasket at the thought of his TapouT shorts being washed out.

Team GSP hits the gym and "Rush" answers the Fitch cameo with one of his own, bringing in a Muay Thai trainer with a name that I can't pronounce or spell despite rewinding the segment about 7-8 times. St. Pierre warns the recruits not to fuck with him or they run the risk of getting KTFO.

Jean Charles Skarbowsky! I should have waited for the graphic. He walks in with his shirt off, kind of like a French Freddie Mercury. Rumor has it he either drinks or goes up in smoke before throwing hands so Skarbowsky starts dumping the contestants on their asses in his drunken stupor.

Time for the fight picks and Team GSP (still) has control. They select Spencer Paige to fight Nam Phan. Koscheck seems optimistic about this fight but everyone wants to know why Phan put his head down and moped around after the announcement.

He further confuses them by using his free time to run and continue training. Maybe it would make more sense for this show if he was getting drunk and jizzing in someone's sushi.

Go figure.

Paige hits the gym to prepare for his fight. He believes he's quicker and better on his feet and will be chin hunting when they lock up later in the show. He also admits to feeling the pressure now because nobody wants to be the fighter to break the Team GSP undefeated streak.

Coach Koscheck gets into a verbal sparring match with Cody McKenzie. Both fail to impress. In the training ring, Phan looks pretty good with the hands and then POW -- in walks "The Iceman." Unfortunately it's post-Franklin so the piano rears its ugly head and it's the TUF contestants who seem to be doing the encouragement instead of the other way around.

Liddell tells them to train hard and have fun because fighting sure beats working a regular job.

During the weigh ins, Coach Koscheck, in the worst attempt at a French accent in the history of Canada-bashing, tells St. Pierre that if he slips him the tongue, Kos will quit MMA for good. GSP maintains his composure and the segment goes belly-up.

Incidentally, both fighters make weight without incident.

Assistant Coach "Frenchie" stumbles about the locker room and Koscheck gives him a few verbal jabs. This is why the ROFL acronym was invented. No, really.

ARIANNY SIGHTING. Episode saved.

Elimination fight #4: Spencer Paige (7-2) vs. Nam Phan (16-7)

Round 1: Punches and kicks open the bout with Paige landing cleaner but Phan puts him on his butt with a big punch. He's right back up and they continue whaling on each other. St. Pierre going overboard with they "Ehhhhhhh" every time Paige connects. Phan eating a lot of shots but continues to push forward. Lots of long distance striking with Paige backpedaling. Phan catches a kick and drops him. He pounces and tries to pound him out and Paige is throwing enough up-kicks to stay alive. Phan falls into side control and takes a coffee break. He catches his breath and locks up a painful looking Kimura but Paige guts it out until the bell.

Round 2:  Paige comes out on a mission with no visible damage from the arm lock. Unfortunately he gets hit hard to the body and looks wobbly. Phan stalking now and Paige tries to back him up with a flurry. Paige in defensive mode now trying to protect his side. Paige slips and tries to tie Phan up as he rushes in and they briefly lock up against the cage. A brief struggle ensues and they get back to their feet. Phan controlling the pace but Paige hanging tough. Phan begins to pull away and lands consistent shots over and over, prompting a "FUCK" from Paige. Phan just stays busy and continues to make contact until the bell.

Nam Phan defeats Spencer Paige by unanimous decision

Team Koscheck goes batshit over the win and St. Pierre calls Kos a sore winner. Team Koscheck then pounds on the locker room walls to rub it in.

Stay tuned next week for a special two-fight episode, Team Koscheck becomes Team Cocky and GSP gets opened up in training. Ruh-roh!

See you in seven!