Episode two of The Ultimate Fighter (TUF) Season 9 gets underway and we start things off in Las Vegas with the 16 hopeful Americans arriving to find out who they must fight in order to secure one of the eight remaining spots in the TUF house.

Two minutes into Dana's monologue and Jason Pierce pulls a Phillipe Nover and goes down in a heap, presumably from cutting weight.

He doesn't get much of the spotlight however as John-David Shackleford sports a helping of herpes on his forehead and gets the boot.

Then there is Christian Felgium, this season's Jason Guida. Felgium shows up overweight and has to spend some time on the outdoor bike in a rubber suit. When he clocks in still two pounds over, they drop him on the treadmill and he instantly collapses.

Not a good look for the boys back home.

Dana starts dropping the F-bomb because it's season nine and the guys still can't seem to get it together. He even goes so far as to call it the worst start to any season in TUF history -- and of course it's the Americans who hold that dubious honor.

Dana warns the group that Team Britain is on point and I suddenly feel the urge to go back and edit my opinion on Team UK in last week's recap.

Fatso and Herpes go home, which leaves two vacancies for Team USA. Dana makes some calls as the elimination fights get under way.

Elimination bout #1: Mark Miller (10-4) vs. Kevin Knabjian (10-3-1)

Round 1: Miller and Knabjian are training partners and not too psyched up about going at it. They touch gloves and start throwing some leather. Straight kick lands for Miller. They take turns throwing combos. Miller sounds like a water balloon popping with every thrust. Failed takedown for Knabjian. Miller unloads and Knabjian covers up. Miller the busier of the two but not doing much damage. Spinning back fist from Knabjian gets nothing. Knabjian getting marked up, not really putting forth much offense. Round over.

Round 2: Knabjian finally opens up and connects, dropping Miller. He follows him to the mat and tries for the heel hook but Miller escapes. Back to their feet and Miller unloads, backing Knabjian up. An uppercut stuns Knabjian who buckles and then gets absolutely destroyed by a flurry of hard punches causing a referee stoppage to end it.

Mark Miller defeats Kevin Knabjian via TKO

Elimination bout #2: Richie Whitson (4-0) vs. Paul Bird (4-1)

Round 1: Henderson tells Dana that Whitson is a newbie at Hendo's gym. Bird rushes in and takes Whitson down. Whitson stands up and Bird jumps on his back and sinks in a rear naked nothing. They separate and Whitson backs him up with kicks and punches. Bird shoots and gets stuffed, stands up and eats a few. Whitson drags him down and gets mount. Bird goes fetal and takes punishment. He nearly pulls off the armbar but Whitson escapes and takes his back. Bird gets flattened out and choked into a stoppage.

Richie Whitson defeats Paul Bird via submission (rear naked choke)

Elimination bout #3: Waylon Lowe (5-2) vs. Santino DeFranco (13-4)

Round 1: We learn that DeFranco made the cut for TUF 2 but had to leave with a brain aneurysm. One surgery and seven seasons later and he's back for another run. Definitely the sentimental favorite. Lowe charges and takes him down. From guard, DeFranco able to stymie most of his offense. Lowe finally wiggles out and drops punch after punch on DeFranco -- who covers up but makes absolutely no effort to improve position or fight back. Mazzagatti warns him for inactivity but DeFranco seems content just laying there and getting hammered like a whack-a-mole stuck in the upright position. This goes on until the round ends. Dana predicts DeFranco -- who is slow to rise -- won't answer the bell for round two.

Round 2: DeFranco answers the bell but looks broken. He goes in with a desperation flying knee and it lands square on Lowe's face. He then grabs Lowe and trips him to the mat. They hit the ground and DeFranco takes his back and sinks in the rear naked choke. Everyone on the show (and at home) is staring at what just transpired, mouth agape.

Santino DeFranco defeats Waylon Lowe via submission (rear naked choke)

Elimination bout #4: Steve Berger (19-19-2) vs. Jason Pierce (9-0)

Rounds 1-3: A fast-forward special. Dana narrates. Round one and Berger gets dropped and survives submission attempts. Round two and Berger does nothing from mount. Round three is a bore.

Jason Pierce defeats Steve Berger via unanimous decision

Elimination bout #5: Cameron Dollar (4-1) vs. Tom Hayden (4-0)

Rounds 1-2: A Dana fast-forward special, part deux. Hayden takes him down and pounds away for the entire round. Round two is more of the same until Dollar escapes and chokes him out.

Cameron Dollar defeats Tom Hayden via submission (rear naked choke)

Elimination bout #6: DaMarques Johnson (13-6) vs. Ray Elbe (20-11)

Round 1: Johnson is bouncing around the cage while Elbe is stiffer than Old Chief Woodenhead. Spinning backfist for Elbe does not land. Elbe shoots and ends up getting mounted. Johnson lands a few elbows. Elbe doing nothing but laying on his back and taking a vicious beating. This goes on for about a minute or so until the referee intervenes. I'm sure he's glad he flew all the way from Thailand for that.

DaMarques Johnson defeats Ray Elbe via TKO

Coach Henderson feels confident that he has a solid team after the elimination fights, despite only having six members. To fill the gap, Dana went fishing for replacements and found Frank Lester and Rob Browning -- yes, little brother of Junie Browning.

Here's hoping Lil' Browning can break the brother curse. We all know how well Lance Evans did -- and we won't even get into the debacle that was Jason Guida. Good luck, Rob.

Stay tuned next week as the final two spots are decided for Team USA and the tomfoolery begins when Team UK shacks up in the same house as Team USA.

See you in seven!